Yes! Shit! What happened Brother Haris?
You seem to have fallen short of attendance Sorry, who are you?
How do you know my name? If I don’t keep a close watch
on my people, then who will? Brother Haris, listen to me I know someone in the office
I’ll get your attendance sorted out Just remember one thing… In times of crisis, only your
own will come forward to help Oh no no, thats not necessary
I’ll talk to Prof. Bakshi and sort it out Don’t be silly, Brother Haris
where are you off to? Oh sorry!
Is Bakshi sir in class? Excuse me Bakshi sir? Sir I have a problem Yes Haris you do have a problem You have a problem of not
knowing when to shut up No sir, this time I have
a different problem Sir, my name has appeared
on the short attendance list I’m sure it is a mistake sir.
Really? Yes sir, I mean it’s not an issue
Everyone makes mistakes I’m sure you will fix …. Much better! Listen Haris, if you disappear in three seconds
Then, I will see what to do about your attendance What’s up guys?
Hey Chaman you are back! Raman.
Hey Buddy! What about you tiger?
Looks like you’ve been hitting the gym Not really So mummy was telling me that you
guys have got a new roommate now Ya, he’s at college right now So Chaman… What new exciting sea
routes have you been charting of late? What excitement dudes?
Same old boring scenes for months I really miss all the action guys But now that I’m here
we’ll do something exciting huh? Brohomies! Broseph Maximus! Brometheus! Ya, would love to but you know… Our exams are around the corner
so we keep busy these days Also, we’ve started an all night food delivery service
So , we really don’t have the time What guys? I finally convinced
my wife to go out clubbing tonight I thought we could all go out
and boogie down you know Hey Oni, let’s go man It’s just a matter of one night. Don’t you think
Chaman deserves a night around town? Raman And we had promised Chinchu aunty
that we’d show Chaman how to chill What?
Bloody senile old cow! And who’ll do the deliveries?
Hey let it be man… Tonight, our third partner will
take care of Wake and Bake Alright… I’m in Awesome possom! Tonight the party is on
till the break of dawn! Ciao maga guys!
Ciao maga! Sir, what can i get for you?
Masala tea Sir, you can’t smoke in here.
Ya sure… Sir, please don’t Bastard! How dare you stub my cigarette What are you doing?
He’s right… Rules are rules Now, will you be teaching me the rules?
Will you teach me you asshole? Who is this little shit?
Is he in his first year? What’s that smell? Did you puke on yourself? No! That’s my Professor’s vomit Get away, asshole!
Don’t put that shit on me… I wouldn’t do that if I were you What do you mean? Don’t you know who he is?
Who the hell is he? Don’t you know who his dad is?
Who the fuck is his dad? You don’t know the name of
the biggest builder in the city? RJD Chief for two years…
Served at Tihar Jail for three years Forbes most dangerous tycoons,
ranked number 6… Don’t you know? You really don’t know do you? I’ll beat the shit out of him this time The guy clapping like an idiot… Thank you It’s ok Why did you do all that? I don’t know… I thought, that after that night
You will never talk to me again Tara, I’m very sorry about that night Look, I know what people think when
a girl decides to do shit on her own terms I just didn’t think you were like that
I guess I was wrong… You were not!
I don’t think like that at all I don’t know Tara, can we please start over again? Please! Yes? Hi, myself Md. Haris , first year
B.A.Programme Ramjas College Tara Tara Brara Tara… Nice Look I haven’t forgiven you completely ok?
If you don’t fuck up for a week, I’ll think about it Cool Relax Haris bro..
We’ll be back by 01:00 a.m max This isn’t fair… I’ve been in Delhi for the past 6
months and not once have I gone out clubbing You are not missing much, trust me Anyway, do you really think we want
to party with that loser, Chaman? How will I manage everything on my own?
Taking orders, making the food and delivering It’s just for one night What’s that? What? Why’re you wearing a ladies bag? This is not a ladies bag It is!
Looks gay Oh I’m sorry! Just by looking at my bag you can tell
that it has a “deviant” sexual orientation I’m so sorry Body,
But please enlighten me… How by just looking at my bag, did you
figure out that it likes to fuck same sex bags? Huh? Nevermind, let’s go… Try not to come back too late
For sure… Don’t do anything I wouldn’t… Wake ‘n’ Bake Can I take your order? Hey, looks like Chaman
brought a friend along Here, I thought we
were his only friends I just hope he doesn’t
turn out to be as lame as Chaman Hi! Hey buddy! I hope you’ve put on
your dancing shoes tonight Ya we have.
Hi Anuradha! Listen guys, there’s a bit of a problem
Apparently the place is packed… Shits man! But, I spoke to the guys inside
Monty the bouncer is a friend He’s a very sweet guy
Says he can slip us through Great! Let’s go Oh we just have to give them like,
1000 bucks a head and he can get us in Actually I’m about five hundred bucks
short. Do you think you can spot me? Ya man, don’t worry
I’ll cover the rest… Excellent! Cough up Don’t worry I got this Oye, I forgot my bag in the auto Forget about it man… Are you crazy man?
I’ll just go get it He forgot his purse in the auto Wake and Bake at your service sir Your order! Oh, how much is it? Three seventy sir I’ve left my wallet inside
Come in Please have a seat Drink? No, I don’t drink Tell me something, son… Why do people get married? Sir? People get married because… They want a witness to their life Good Do you know why you are here? Yes sir… You will be a witness to my death I’m sick and tired… Dragging on with this life Routine…Routine Wake up in the morning…
Go to your shitty job Earn some and spend it all Watch T.V and pass out Day in and day out,
the same fucking shit! Get a degree Get a job Get a car…
Get a house Get a fucking wife Have kids
Go on fucking summer vacations The same shit!
Year in and year out Why am I doing this? Who is all of this for after all? Had enough of this shit That’s it I’m done… Sir, Rs.370 One moment This place doesn’t look that packed to me
These clubs allow only an exclusive crowd What’s up guys?
I’m Noel by the way… Oni
Pleasure Shall we then? I like your friend!
What? I…like your friend! Rat poison The box says death in minutes After having this… I can escape my miserable hell..
That is called life And welcome my death What happened? You will not die I mean, yes, you could die But that might take you weeks It take about three to four days
to notice any symptoms At first, there will be internal bleeding Resulting in loss of blood
through urine and stool Then vomiting… Followed by
scars and bruises on the face Then, if you are lucky
If there is an organ failure Then you might…. Then, you might die Are you sure about this?
Yes, definitely Not a problem… There are more ways than one You must be joking Life has played a
cruel joke on me Now I’ve even..
Forgotten how to smile You? With this fan? Yeah, so what? This is an ordinary plastic fan…
These are designed to hold maximum 25kgs And anyway, for instant death you
need to drop from minimum nine feet They used to have steel fans in old houses,
Like the ones back in my house in Allahabad And the ceilings also used to be very high These days, they don’t make
homes with such provisions Guys I love this song… Come on! Let’s hit the dance floor
Who’s with me? What? Come on Raman,
don’t be such a bore I want to dance some more sweetheart Oni, Body, what’s with you guys man?
You guys are college kids, look at Chaman He’s so enthusiastic…
Still ready to party Raman! Yes, we could dance some more We must… I mean, how often do
we guys get to hang out like this? Let’s hit the dance floor
Come on! I’m going to go take a leak Why should we pay for it?
We didn’t even order all this Sir the orders have been
placed from your table And now we are closing the bar
So, please pay your bill If you want, I can…
I can ask Body It’s on me bitches! Excuse me! Is anyone in there? It’s locked Shit! Shit!! Shit!!! Oni Instant painless death Bad idea. Sorry! Please!
Don’t try to stop me Oh no, I’m not trying to stop
you from committing suicide But, with this you might just end up
in a wheelchair…paralysis maybe Did you know that, by jumping from the
second floor the fatality rates is less than 33% No! I won’t let you do this to yourself
I’m very scared of blood… Please! One cut to the carotid will..
Will kill you instantly One cut! What? Carotid artery.
Sends oxygen to your brain You can’t just cut yourself
anywhere you feel like… Yes, you will bleed …
But the blood will clot Can a man not even die in peace? Now you tell me what I should do How do I take my life? Tell me? You found faults in every
single one of my plans… Now you only tell me…
A foolproof way of taking one’s life? I know what I’ll do Take a gun…
Put it in my mouth And blow my brains out! Can you find any faults
with this plan? Do you have a gun? You don’t… Oh god! Why does this have
to happen to me? Why? No no! I can’t come out right now
There are too many ladies outside It’s too embarrassing Body, dude…
You wait I’ll figure something out.
Please do something bro Hurry! Unidentified Object! Bomb! Bomb! It’s a fucking bomb!! Run! Yes…
Oh oh my god! Yes go! Raman you’re too drunk to drive No! I’m the man…
I should drive the car I’ll slap you..
You can’t even sit straight Fuck!
That was scary I mean, I was already shit scared
being trapped in the girls toilet And a bomb scare on top of that
I would have definitely peed in my pants If I wasn’t already in the bathroom.
Bro, I made that up to save your ass I pointed at my bag and said bomb The same bag that you were making fun of
I guess that should revise your opinion… Because my “gayness”
saved your anus Oh yeah? Thanks!
Thats awesome! Tonight we really went crazies
on the daisies, right boys? Yeah man… Hey guys! Fun night right? Listen, I’m going to push now
I have a lot of other places to go to I don’t know if there are any
ATMs on the way though so… If anyone of you has five hundred
bucks that I can borrow perhaps Here you go brother!
Thanks Chaman you’re a sweetheart See you around…
Bye guys! See you Noel Your friend can really
hold his liqour Who? This guy, Noel Our friend?
We met him for the first time! What? He came over, outside the pub
all happy and dancing, as if he knew us He introduced himself and we got talking
So, I thought he was your new roommate He isn’t our roommate Then, who the fuck is Noel? I have a feeling that the
bouncer’s name is not Monty, also Just makes sure that Dinesh sir in office
is happy and your attendance will be sorted How does one make him happy? Give him a blowjob at lunch Why are you taking advice
from him anyway? Just get a medical certificate made Man, I’m telling you…You remember
our super senior, Tyagi? He flunked his exams…
One day he walks into the office Puts the alcohol on the table
like this, and said 80% And this is just about
attendance Haris… Ok, that is clearly a myth Like that sports teacher who was
found fucking a dog in the guard room Oni, that did happen! We’ve been fooled enough for today, right?
Why are you trying to fool us now? Yeah… What a weirdo, right? Who would do such a thing? I don’t know dude… You tell us Haris…
How was your day? Fine… Nothing extraordinary