Lizzie: So I have good news and bad news. Or bad news and bad news, depending how you look at it. First the good news. It’s Bing Lee’s birthday! Yaaaaayyyy! So his family is coming to town to throw him a party to celebrate. Yay. Their last party was fun…especially for Jane. But the bad news is that they didn’t just invite us. They invited all the grown ups—and, yes, that includes my mother. It’s going to take some doing to keep all interested parties away from our embarrassing mother. So I thought I’d plan ahead. My name is Lizzie Bennet, and… Do that one more time and I will kill you, George! My name is Lizzie Bennet, and I am drawing up a battle plan. “Birthday Party Battle Plan”
Written by Anne Toole Lizzie: I told you you could stay if you didn’t interrupt me! George: Oh. I see how it is. And just when my feathers were starting to like you. It’s over. Lizzie: Oh, just when I was thinking of asking you to be my plus one to Bing’s. George: Oh. Lizzie: Oh I forgot. Darcy will be there. Is it terrible of me to want you there anyway? George: Nah, it’s not terrible, we just… We’ve got to be prepared. Lizzie: Which means: having a plan! Bing’s expecting to see Jane. My mother’s expecting to see them married within the month. I don’t see how she won’t destroy any semblance of– George: Oh! You should have him throw a party within a party. Lizzie: I don’t follow. George: Well, there could be, like, an area where the parents are, and then there can be an area where the real party is. Lizzie: Hmm. There is plenty of room in that house. You know she may already be on top of that, but I’ll check with Caroline. Either way, you’re coming with me, even though Darcy will be there? George: Oh, Darcy couldn’t stop me from coming. But if he doesn’t want to see me, I think he’s the one that should stay away. Lizzie: Are you sure? George: I wouldn’t be anywhere else. Jane: Lizzie…oh! George! Excuse me! I’m so sorry! George: Aw, don’t be on my account. Jane: Um, I just wanted to see if you thought that this was okay for the party? George: Ah. That’s my cue to leave. Jane: No! Lizzie: You don’t have to go. George: Ah, I’ve got people to do and things to see. I’ll see you at the party. Jane: Aw. Thank you. George: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bennet sisters. Jane: He seems to really like you. And he’s sweet. I feel so bad. Lizzie: Don’t! It’s not like he’s going off to war. We’ll see him again soon. Jane: No, no, not that. I keep thinking about what happened with his college scholarship and trust. I just can’t believe that Darcy would deny it to him. Lizzie: Well, he did. Jane: But why would Darcy be so vindictive? His own father wanted George to have it. Lizzie: Why does Darcy do anything? Oh my goodness Jane! Is it possible there’s someone who’s actually unpleasant and not just tragically misunderstood? Jane: Ha ha. I just can’t believe that Darcy would be so petty, any more than I would call George a liar. I don’t know what to think. Lizzie: Um, yes you do. Jane: Well, why would Darcy and Bing be friends? Lizzie: You can find out at the party. See? This is why we need a plan of attack. Step 1, look amazing. You’ve got that covered. Jane: Thank you. Lizzie: Step 2, you enjoy the evening with Bing, while Mom is encircled in a trap made of the other parents. I’m with Wickham. Things will look good, as long as Lydia doesn’t come make a surprise attack. Outcome? We all have a good time! Got it? Jane: I like the part where I finally get to spend an evening with Bing again. I didn’t really follow the rest. Is that a chicken? Lizzie: That’s not…!
Jane: Yeah. Lizzie: How do you get a chicken…?
Jane: Look! Lizzie: Oh yeah, there’s the head.
Jane: Mmm hmm. Lizzie: Let’s just have a good time.
Jane: Good plan.