Alright, so this month
just so happens to be my birthday month. And when you’re in your late twenties,
there’s really not much to be excited about. “Well, what do you wanna do
for your birthday this year?” “Oh you know, the usual.
Sit in the dark and get drunk by myself.” “Goodbye my youth! I’ll miss all the Pokemon
cards and Rocko’s Modern Life, God damn it!” But when you’re a kid,
birthday parties are the best! Even if it’s not your own birthday party,
you still have a good time. You get a birthday party invitation in class from some kid that you
don’t even really like that much. But you don’t care! “Oh, hell yeah! A birthday party! Count me in!” “And your parents got you
actual invitations to hand out?” “What are you, guys, rich?” “This party is probably gonna be badass,
if your parents are blowing money on invitations!” “There’s probably gonna be
like a bouncy house there..” “Some creepy-ass clown to scare all the kids.” “Hey, do you kids got any
baby teeth I can have?” “I collect baby teeth as a hobby.” And you know damn well they’re gonna
have some pretty good food there too. “We have two dinner choices: smoked brisket,
or a rack of lamb with cranberry glaze.” “Uhm, do you guys have Sloppy Joes?” “I’m accustomed to Sloppy Joes, God damn it!” So I’d show up to this
birthday party with gift in hand. My dad would just drop me off. “Yeah, this house smells pretty fuckin’ weird to me!” “I’m not sticking around
to make smalltalk with this kid’s parents.” “You’re on your own.” So I’d meet up with my little friend Timothy
or Jimmy or whatever the hell his name is. I’d just tell him
what his gift is, right off the bat. “Uh yeah, I got you a Magic 8-Ball, because…” “I didn’t know what the hell you wanted.” “And my dad only let me
spend 10 dollars, so there you go!” So then you’d go around and get introduced
to your friend’s weird-ass family. “This is my old-ass grandma,
who can’t remember anything after 1967.” “And this is my aunt Lisa,
who my uncle Mike divorced last summer..” “.. for a younger and more attractive woman.” “Oh, God!” “And this is my drunk uncle Bill,
who sleeps on our couch when he’s not in rehab.” “Yeah, Happy Birthday there, little Jimmy!” “My name is Timothy, uncle Bill!” “Yeah, I know, I know.
Hey, can you borrow me five bucks real quick?” “Uhm, yeah, I guess, uncle Bill. Here you go!” “And when you get a minute,
can you pee in this cup for me real quick?” “What the fuck, uncle Bill?!
I don’t know, maybe later!” And of course,
your friend always had a sweet-ass cake, that their parents had custom ordered. “Woah, dude, you got a Frasier cake, what the hell?!” “Yeah, dude, I fuckin’ love Frasier,
what are you talking about?!” ♪ “Hey baby, I hear the blues a-callin’, ♪
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs!” ♪ ♪ “They’re calling again!” ♪ “All right, kids, who’s ready to hit the pinata?” “Oh, hell yeah, I love tying up animals
and beating them with sticks!” “Wait a minute, what the hell?
Who gets a Ted Danson pinata?!” “God damn it, uncle Bill,
you’re embarrassing me in front of my friends!” “That’s Kelsey Grammer, God damn it!” “Yeah, well, there better be some
good stuff in here, I tell you what!” *THWACK!* *THWACK!**THWACK!* “Where’s all the bourbon and Adderall at?!” Meanwhile Grandma’s over there,
wondering where the hell she is. “Why is it so loud in here?
Are the Russians attacking us?” So then of course, the time comes, where it’s
time to sing Happy Birthday to the birthday boy. ♪ “Hap-py Birth-day, lit-tle Jimothy!” ♪ ♪ “Can I bor-row fi-ve bucks?” ♪ Then, of course, it’s time to open presents. And that’s usually a hit-or-miss affair. Some presents are good, some are not so good. “Woah, that’s cool! OshKosh B’gosh overalls!
Thanks a lot, aunt Lisa!” “You can go fuck yourself, since
we all know uncle Mike isn’t willing to anymore.” All of a sudden uncle Bill stumbles in, with his
birthday present, that’s not even wrapped up. It’s just chilling in the Walmart bag, and shit. “Uncle Bill, you got me
a bag of frozen chicken nuggets, what the hell?!” “Yeah, every kid likes chicken nuggets, right?
Happy Birthday, Jimmy!” “Hey, can you ask that Magic 8-Ball
if my ex wife still thinks about me?” And after birthday presents,
the birthday party’s pretty much over. Everybody starts heading out and leaving. “I don’t know, who you are,
but I hope you enjoy your Ice Cream Social.” “Thanks, Grandma,
sorry you can’t remember the 1980s.” My dad comes to pick me up. “Well, how was the party?” “Was that kid’s parents as weird,
as the fucking smell in their house or what?” “Uh.. Not as weird
as their uncle Bill, that’s for sure!” “Excuse me, sir.
Can I have your kid piss in this cup?” “I’ll give you a bag of frozen
chicken nuggets for it.” https://brewstew.com Special Thanks To: “Aunt” Lisa Karas, Brad Durant.
https://www.patreon.com/brewstew Special Thanks To: (All these wonderful people) &
All the other Patrons! https://www.patreon.com/brewstew https://shop.makeship.com/collections/brewstewfilms