Oops, Did I Marry the Wrong Person (Week 1) – ‘What’s Marriage For’ – Jim Botts

Oops, Did I Marry the Wrong Person (Week 1) – ‘What’s Marriage For’ – Jim Botts


I John I Jane take you Jane take you John to be my
new mom my fixer-upper to have and to clean for me to resent and to manage for
as long as you let me get away with it for better or better for rich or
wealthier in your current body to be whatever I want you to be to hold when
you’re sad but not too sad because weepy you guys are not hot at all I mean he
needs to be sensitive you know but he needs to know when a take-charge a for
sure he’ll be funny but only when it’s appropriate
his humor will be smart and witty and never juvenile oh we’ll be at a party
and he’ll give a witty repartee and everyone will laugh and look at me with
a you’re so lucky kind of look and I’ll be like I know hashtag blessed honey oh
sorry till in bitterness we part I now pronounce you
Mr. and Mrs. Right for as long as you let me get away with it that’s awesome
good to see you guys today Family Center cafe joining us as we kick off a brand
new series called “Oops did I marry the wrong person?”
It’s an old familiar story right first comes love then comes marriage then
comes disappointment exactly you already know this inevitably she figures out
that her Mr. Right’s first name is always and sooner or later
you know he figures out that his dream girls more like a fantasy and before
long the both start wondering did I marry the wrong person now the reality
is weddings are very easy marriages are very hard and so our goal in this series
is to look into the Scriptures to figure out how to have the kind of marriage
that God intended for us to have not by getting the right spouse as much as by
becoming the right spouse we’re going to be chasing a question every single
weekend and this weekend our question is what’s marriage for what is marriage for
so if you have the Green Valley app now it’s a great time to click on the
app click on today’s service all the message notes will be in there or if you
brought a Bible this one’s going to really easy to find Genesis chapter 1
just open the cover and a couple pages in you see a big number one that’s where we’re
gonna be turn there and I’ll meet you there in just a minute now as we get
started today I’m sure I’m curious how many of you by show of hands would
confess and admit before God and all these witnesses that you are married go
ahead and raise your hand married yeah a lot of married people here now now by show of
hands how many of you maybe maybe you can just simply know someone who’s
married raise your hand right okay that’s all the rest so we all know
something about marriage but the question is what do we really know
somebody once said I never knew what happiness was until I got married then
it was too late we know marriage is an institution it
was Groucho Marx who said marriage is a great institution but who wants to live
in an institution I don’t that doesn’t sound very fun we all know that marriage
is for better or worse somebody once said he could have done a whole lot
better and she couldn’t have done any worse so what’s the deal the reality is
friends in our culture today I don’t know if you know this but less and less and less
and less people are getting married why because quite honestly people look
at marriage and they look at it like it’s just a lame joke because so many
marriages fail but here’s the truth friends those that are succeeding
marriages that do succeed are absolutely life-giving and I want to share one with
you I wanna introduce you to Gordon and Norma Yeager of State Center Iowa on may
26 1939 that were married and they vowed that they would be together till death
do us part and then after 72 years of marriage October 12th 2011 they were
involved together in a very serious car accident they arrived at the hospital in
Marshalltown Iowa both unresponsive and in the same emergency vehicle they were
holding hands and when they were brought into the hospital nurses seeing this
didn’t want to separate them so when they ended up in an ICU room they shared
the same room together still unresponsive and
still holding hands within a matter of a few hours they were surrounded by their
friends and their family and their loved ones and within an hour of one another
Gordon and Norma Yeager died together still holding hands here’s the kicker
their son told the Des Moines Register here’s what he said quote “It was really
strange they were holding hands and dad stopped breathing but I couldn’t figure
out what was going on because his heart monitor was still going the nurse
checked and said because they’re holding hands her heartbeat was being picked up
in his heart monitor” Can you imagine two people who joined together in holy
matrimony and they take each other’s hand and they hold each other’s hand all
the way until death parts them and they share a single heartbeat that that’s the
dream on wedding day that’s what we’re all after now here’s some good news
today the good news is that every married couple has the exact same
potential to have a marriage of a lifetime just like the Yeagers every
married couple but here’s the sad reality very few will very few of us
will now the truth is all of us are shaped and impacted by a marriage it
could be our own marriage could be our parents marriage could be the marriages we’re in
we’re all shaped and impacted by marriages so before we get into it I just
want to say a word to some different groups of people to the first group of
people to you those of you who have never been married our prayer for you is
that this series will help you understand and get insight into the way
that marriage may have shaped your life could be your own marriage you know your parents marriage marriage of family members so you could see how it
has impacted you and then also you could gain God’s wisdom about marriage for
your own potential future marriage that’s for those who’ve never been
married now a word to those who are not married anymore
maybe you’re widowed and to those of you who are widowed we are we would say our
hearts go out with you we grieve as you grieve we are sad for your loss but also
understanding God has a plan we don’t know what it is for you we do know He’s
given you experience in marriage and and wisdom and you can still share that
marriage wisdom with other people because you’re gonna find over these
coming weeks there are a lot of people need what you know and you could still share
there are another group people here today who are not married anymore and I
I’m praying that this series will help you kind of like the little black box in
the airplane wreckage take out the box you figure out what went wrong and
that’s what we’re hoping is as we go through the Scriptures you will learn
what went wrong in your marital wreckage in the past so that way you can apply
God’s wisdom in your future and then for those of you who are married our prayer
is that this series would actually encourage you and give you some tools
because the truth is listen every marriage goes through seasons where they
struggle every single marriage and we want to equip you to have the kind of
marriage a God intended not by getting the right spouse or going for an upgrade but by becoming the right kind of spouse
and so every week we’re chasing a question today we’re chasing the
question what is marriage for and we’re going right back to the beginning so
here’s our big idea I want to share this with you today God designed marriage not
for our personal fulfillment but for our mutual development God designed marriage
not for our personal fulfillment but for our mutual development everybody help me
out nice and loud true or false people get married in order to get their needs
met true or false that’s true everybody getting married is getting married because they have a need that
they’re trying to get met in fact some people would even go as far as to say I
know I’ve married the right person when my needs are getting met then they flip
that around the other way I know I married the wrong person when my needs
are not getting met now let me just say this if that’s your logic entering into
marriage let me just say you probably are the wrong person truth is many of us
have married the wrong person now don’t hear what I’m not saying hear
what I am saying and this is what I’m saying
if you think you married someone who will meet your every need you married
the wrong person because you marry somebody that’s gonna miss it sometimes
you think you married somebody who will always make you feel special you married
the wrong person because that person you married is gonna make you feel unspecial
at times if you think you married somebody who’s not gonna challenge
you to grow up a little bit you married the wrong person because that’s exactly
what’s gonna happen in your marriage if you think you’ve married someone who’s
always gonna listen to you never argue with you you definitely married the wrong
person it was CS Lewis you put it this way he
said “People get from books and I would just say media in general people get
from books the idea that if you’ve married the right person you may expect
to go on being in love forever and as a result when they find that they are not
they think this proves that they have made a mistake and are entitled to a
change” We should be like super honest today just be super honest weddings are
easy anybody can get married but marriages are very hard marriage takes
work and so I want to put a couple of reality checks right out on the table
before we get going to the first one is this if you are empty and broken and
insecure before marriage guess what you are gonna be empty broken and insecure
in marriage and there’s no human being who can meet your need to not be empty
broken or insecure only God can fill those voids and if you’re trying to get
another human being to fill those voids you’re setting them and yourself up for
ultimate disappointment that’s the first reality check the second reality check
is God designed marriage He created it and He designed it to be a place where
we both become what God intended for us to become in other words if you shoot
for mutual development in your marriage you will find fulfillment but if you
shoot for personal fulfillment without the development here’s what you will
find you’ll find mutual disappointment question is what does this mutual
development thing even look like and that’s what we’re gonna see today in
Genesis chapters 1, 2, & 3 little background before we jump into Genesis
Genesis is the book of beginnings and designs all of God’s designs for His
good creation are spelled out in those first early chapters of Genesis the very
first thing that God did after He created humanity is He officiated the
very first wedding so what we’re gonna do today is we’re gonna go back to that
scene back to the source we’re gonna unlearn what we think we know and relearn
what God intended marriage to be to see how it actually was meant to work so if
you’re a note taker you can write this down marriage only works when number one
when two share the same purpose marriage only works when two share the same
purpose let me see your hand if you’ve ever heard this kind of statement before a recipe
for disaster you ever heard of that before a recipe for it’s usually like a blend of
elements that when they come together disaster it causes something to fail so the
question becomes what causes marriages to fail now according to researchers the
most common reason that women leave a marriage is being taken for granted the
entire weight of the relationship and the responsibility of that rests upon
them and they feel taken for granted it’s a major cause for women to leave a
marriage also according to researchers a major reason for men to leave a marriage
is a nagging wife so what’s going on here marriages fail when both spouses
are not working toward the same goal they’re looking for different things
it’s like he shows up with a football and she shows up with a volleyball and
they think they’re gonna play by the same rules
you can’t newsflash God’s design for marriage is neither
your football nor her volleyball it’s a totally different game and that’s what
we’re gonna look at today we’re gonna see what God designed marriage to be and
I just want to say this as we get going today here’s the universal spiritual
truth you can write it on your arm it’ll always be true
if you look down at it will remind you over and over and over and here it is when
design is ignored damage results when design is ignored damage results when
God’s design for anything is ignored and we just do it some other way it will
cause damage guaranteed buy a show of hands how many of you have ever used a
butter knife for a screwdriver before can I see your hands ladies probably many if
it’s a guy raise your hand you’re out of here right now
that is violate your man card forfeit it on the spot right here
I mean you can use a butter knife for a screwdriver it’ll work like you can get
the screw out but what’s it gonna do it’s gonna damage the screw it’ll
definitely damage the knife why because a butter knife was not designed to be
a screwdriver it was designed to spread butter by a show of hands how many of you have
ever used your teeth to open a bottle before gentlemen
some ladies probably have done this before now that’s a pretty cool way to
open a bottle isn’t it that’s pretty cool but it’s a quick way to break a tooth
why because teeth were not designed to be a bottle opener when design is
ignored damage result and the same is true for marriage
when God’s design for marriage is ignored and you just do what you think
you should do damage will result and we are sitting here today surrounded by
people who’ve been damaged by marriage you might be damaged by your own you
might be damaged by your parents you might be damaged by just the marriages that you’ve been around there’s a lot of damage and so when we look at God’s
design here’s what we see we see that it takes two working toward God’s purpose two
working toward God’s purpose and so in the scriptures we see what God’s purpose
looks like here’s a few things first of all we see two become partners Genesis
chapter 1 verse 27 and 28 says so “God created man in His own image in the image of God
He created him male and female He created them and God blessed them and
God said to them be fruitful and multiply fill the earth and subdue it
and have dominion over every living thing that moves on the earth” I want to draw your
attention to that word image occurs there two times God created man in His own
image in the image of God He created them human beings are the only creatures
in all of God’s creations said to bear the image of the creator and here’s what
that means male and female bear the image of God that means that both male
and female have equal worth in God’s eyes both male and female have equal
significance in God’s eyes both male and female get this have equal calling in
God’s eyes and that calling is in the two words have dominion God didn’t tell
Adam to have dominion He told Adam and Eve He told the couple
male and female husband and wife have dominion what’s have dominion dominion
is to reflect the rule of God out into creation that was God’s purpose for the
original mayor think of like a two angled mirror reflecting God’s original
rule and leadership out into the world that’s the first couple right there they
live under God’s loving wise rule and as a couple they reflect God’s rule out
into God’s creation for the rest of the world to see
that’s God’s calling for the first couple that’s God’s calling for every
couple to be partners who work together for His purpose in this world to reflect
what God’s rule looks like out into a world so
let me ask you is that how you describe your marriage and we’re a partnership we live
under God’s rule we reflect to the world what it looks like when God over
rules our selfishness we show the world what it looks like when God over rules doing
things our own way and living according to God’s design is that the way you
think of marriage a partnership like that because listen marriage only works when it’s a
partnership under God’s rule for the sake of God’s purpose partnership
partnership partnership and a partnership it implies that the other is
necessary and you’re incomplete without them now there’s a partnership that sounds like
this partnership and marriage says babe you are the glaze to my doughnut like
without you I am just a bland bagel I need you babe you are like I am the Mac
to your cheese and without you I am just a soggy sad noodle I need you
it’s a partnership baby you are the doctor to my pepper it’s a partnership
without you it just doesn’t work two become partners that’s God’s design
second thing two become teammates Genesis chapter one has the
seven days of creation Genesis chapter 2 zooms in on the day God made humanity and
right before the female was created just before that here’s what God says
Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone
I will make a what helper yeah let’s read that again so I can hear
everybody the Lord God said it is not good for the man should be
alone I will make a helper fit for him” Now here we’re told for the first time
in all of Scripture that’s something in God’s good creation is not good what’s
not good it is not good for the man to be alone now commonly people think of
that in terms of loneliness and companionship ah the two animals of
everything one of him and his poor Adam needs a companion so this is what God’s
answer is but this is surely not a matter of loneliness how do we know this
because Adams not lonely he’s in a full bond close relationship with God he is
not lonely so it’s not a matter of loneliness this is a matter of purpose
God didn’t say I make a companion for him make a helper for him Adam cannot
fulfill God’s purpose on this earth alone all by himself he needs a helper
in fact this term helper in the Hebrew ezar ezar’s helper it’s often
used of God himself God is called the ezar the one who helps ezar is
often used of God as a warrior the one who fights for someone ezar it’s
also used to describe a military unit that would come and be resupplied like a
supporter God is an ezar one scholar said ezar has connotations of being
a strong power and a strong force now here in the scripture in Genesis 2 ezar is the spouse God is like I want to provide someone to help you to
lift the load to lighten the burden to come alongside in a partnership so that
together you can accomplish God’s purpose on this earth that you cannot
do all by yourself ezar by a show of hands how many of you have a favorite sports team
each year for some of you many of you yeah call out the name of your sports
teams that you cheer for Chicago Cubs that’s cool I dig that yeah another all
right so lots so here’s the question what team should you be cheering for
same team right here’s the reality if you look into the Scriptures God has a
team and it’s a team that He is calling for me and you to cheer for more than
any other team your favorite team in the world is supposed to be your marriage
your marriage in fact you can summarize biblical marriage this way we’re gonna
put up on the screen I want you see this is the summary of biblical marriage it’s
team and whatever your last name is so for me it’s team Botts so in our marriage
what’s more important Jim or Rose answer neither team Botts that’s what’s most
important so as we’re sorting out issues and solving problems the question isn’t
what does Jim want what does Rose want the question is is this best for team
Botts what’s the best thing for team Botts
Jesus is cheering for team Botts Jesus is a champion of team Botts Jesus calls me
to invest my life to build up team Botts to participate in team Botts to train
for team Botts so here’s a question what would your marriage look like if you
cheered for your marriage team whatever your last name is like you cheer for
your favorite team gentlemen what would your marriage look like if you invested
your time money and energy into team whatever your last name is like you do
team whatever sports team you cheer for you know what would happen things would
be amazing reality is there’s no limit to what God
could do with team whatever your last name is if you treated it the way God
wants you to treat it listen Jesus Christ is the champion of team whatever your
last name is and He’s calling you to get on board and become major major
supporter of team whatever your last name is God said it is not good to try
to fulfill your purpose without your team you need your team God gave you an ezar that’s your spouse you’re supposed to be a team marriage only
works when it’s according to God’s purpose where two become partners two
become teammates but also where two become one
continuing in Genesis to verse 24 and 25 says “Therefore a man shall leave
his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one
flesh and the man and his wife were both naked
and not ashamed” Notice right their God’s goal for marriage shows right up
in clear language right there in verse 24 that they shall become one flesh and He
brutes one word literally means oneness oneness how do you get to how do two
people become one and as you just follow the the verbs there leave hold become
you leave the home of your parents you hold join hands with your spouse and
then together you become one flesh one man one woman for one lifetime
that’s God’s goals here’s what it looks like oneness does not look like his and
hers oneness looks like there is no his and hers they’re is only ours so she
doesn’t have a problem we have a problem he doesn’t have an issue we have an
issue oneness that is the goal in Genesis 2:24 right here this text is the
most oft-repeated marriage text in all of Scripture it’s
repeated four separate times in the New Testament four different times I’ll give
them to you Matthew 19:5 Jesus repeats it Mark 10:7 Jesus repeats it 1st
Corinthians 6:6 Paul repeats it and then Ephesians 5:31 Paul repeats it again
what’s going on here why is this repeated so often here’s why because that’s the
design and when design is ignored damage will result now in our
culture today we view marriage more like a contract to be legally terminated at
will whenever we want to but in Scripture we find that marriage
is framed in different terms terms of covenant which is very different from a
contract a contract is strictly between human parties but a covenant is with God
a contract based on performance you do your part a covenants not based on
performance a covenant is based on commitment we commit to do our part a
contract is a 50/50 proposition if you do 48 percent well I’m not doing 52 I’m out
but a covenant is a 100 percent journey contract is all about trying to fulfill
my needs a covenant is all about trying to fulfill God’s will on this earth you
ever pay attention when you watch movies or listen to the songs on the radio
there’s like a common thread that runs through our romance movies and love
songs the common thread is kind of a whiny thread to be honest with you it’s
a whiny thread that’s like always pining for permanence did you ever notice that like if
we sing songs its just like you know it’s you and me baby forever it’s like true
love always remember we’re younger you like carving a tree and you always put a
little TLF thingy there and you’re like true love forever you and me forever I’ll always
love you why do we do that well here’s the reason
we desire permanence because we were designed for permanence in God’s
covenant-le way of providing marriage is exactly what we desire permanence
commitment loyalty faithfulness til death do us part that’s the only way
to get there the Covenant is the only way to get there
philosopher Hannah Arendt put it this way she said “Without being bound to the
fulfillment of our promises we would never be able to keep our identities we
would be condemned to wander helplessly and without direction in the darkness of
each person’s lonely heart” listen God designed marriage and it only works His
way and when design is ignored damage results a marriage only works when two
share the same purpose but secondly marriage only works when two conquer the
same problems when two conquer the same problems now at the end of Genesis
chapter 2 right after the first wedding everything was perfect they had no bills to
pay and they had no kids hanging on them they had no in-laws to deal with and they had no
clothes on it doesn’t get any better perfect by a show of hands how many of
you figured out that the marriage is nothing like the wedding you figure that out
yet here’s the thing weddings are pure fantasy marriages are the harsh reality
somebody once said love is blind but marriage is the eye opener that’s true
after the wedding in Genesis 2 everything was great but then comes
Genesis chapter 3 and all hell breaks loose and what happened to that first
couple will happen to every couple it may even be happening to some of you today I’m
pretty sure that it is in Genesis 2 when God was king over them everything was
great in Genesis 3 when they D throne God and in throne self everything went
wrong what happened here’s what happened they listened to a voice you might be
listening to this voice in your marriage to we’ve done it the voice is a voice
that said don’t do it God’s Way do it your own way knowing that when
design is ignored damage will result what happened they reached out they open
the door allowing sin evil and death to come and corrupt God’s good creation
causing all kinds of problems that must be worked out in every single lie and in
every single marriage three problems that show up that are problems that we
have to work out in every life and in every marriage the first problem is a
problem of hiding hiding Genesis chapter 3 notice verse 7 then the eyes of both
of them were opened and they knew that they were naked and they sewed fig
leaves together and made themselves loin cloth notice that word naked right there
just a few moments ago in Genesis 2:25 nakedness was a sign of their intimacy
but now they have dethrone God and in throw himself into the middle of the
marriage now what’s going on nakedness is no longer a sign of their intimacy
now nakedness is a sign of their insecurity by show of hands how many of
you agree with this statement insecurity can ruin a marriage it’s like a hole in
a boat it can literally cause all kinds of problems and now here we see the
first couple they find themselves hiding their flaws from each other hiding their
differences from each other hiding their true selves from one another’s this
sounds familiar to anyone one sigh there’s a young couple that got married
and they each had their secrets to hide he had really smelly feet and she had
really bad morning breath so his dad gave him a bit of advice and said hey
look here’s all you got to do just sleep with your socks on and she’ll never find
out and then her mom gave her advice just get up before he gets up and just go
brush your teeth before you say a word he’ll never find out you’re like oh
they’re on their honeymoon it’s 5 a.m. and he discovers that one of his socks
had come off in the middle of the night and he’s frantically rummaging underneath the
blanket to find the sock and into his rummaging he wakes her up and she shoots
up and turns to him and says what are you doing he turns to her says dear God you’ve
eaten one of my socks secrets I have to say this there’s some of you here today
you need to hear this question what are you hiding from your spouse there’s some
of you here today that you are hiding something from your spouse and it’s on
your phone and if we were to read it right now you would be ashamed there’s
some of you here right now what you’re hiding for your spouse that’s in
your Facebook account you know exactly what I’m talking about there are some of you
here today you are hiding money from your spouse
you’ve been siphoning it off and you haven’t been telling them why are you doing that you
don’t even know why but you’re doing it there are some of you here today you are hiding
your heart from your spouse there’s been pain there’s been unforgiveness and
you’ve allowed the distance and resentments to build up too so much so
that you just keep it all to yourself and forget this person you’ve been
hiding your heart there are some of you that have been hiding your pain from your spouse here’s the
truth friends hiding always dooms a marriage hiding is like a hole in a boat
it always will doom you and there’s some of us here today
I believe God brought you to this place today so that you can come out of hiding
to be done with that thing it will doom you and it is dooming you
you see oneness is the will of God hiding is the work of the serpent there are problems that we all have to
wrestle through the first ones a problem of hiding the second one this is
probably blaming blaming right after Adam dethrones God and God calls him into
account here’s what happens Genesis 3:12 “Then the man said to God the woman whom
you gave to be with me she gave me of the fruit of the tree and I ate” So when
God calls Adam into account for sinning Adam takes it like a man he blames his
wife in fact he blames two people did you notice he blames God to it’s the woman that
you gave me I didn’t create her everything was great was great until she showed up you made everything
here’s the tragedy before self took over when God ruled the relationship
everything was right they worked together as a partnership as a team to
accomplish God’s will in this world but now that self is ruling over them now
they function more like enemies fighting in the marriage than teammates fighting
for the marriage so I want to offer you if you’re struggling in this way today
guilt relieving statement here it is it is common to struggle in a marriage
it is common to find yourself in a place going I don’t like them anymore
it’s listen it’s okay to be there it’s not okay to stay there like Winston
Churchill said when you’re going through hell keep going it’s common to struggle with the flaws
and the faults and the failures of our spouse it’s a common thing the best
marriage advice you’ll ever get is this keep your eyes wide open before a
marriage and half-shut afterwards believe me you’ll want to do that here’s the reality the truth is every marriage is the union of two self-centered people
it’s the union of two imperfect sinners listen it’s the union of two people
who’ve been loved in completely and won’t know how to love anything other
than in completely that’s what it
gonna be and so if you think you don’t have that you got the wrong person
because that’s all we are Leo Tolstoy put it this way he said “What counts in making
a happy marriage it’s not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with
compatibility” So let me ask you how do you deal with it do you have a plan to stay
together because we want to help you create one when you walked in the door
today you were given this card right here it just simply says on it I have a
question about marriage and we would love for you to turn in your question you can
take it fill it out and after our time together right outside the doors couple
tables with basket you can just drop it in there we may deal with your question
along the way or we may wait till the end of the series you just do them all
together but either way you have a question that you need to share we
wanted to give you at least some avenue to say hey I have a question about
marriage so take that card write your question down and turn it in before we
go because we have problems that we got to work through there’s the problem of hiding
in marriage there is the problem of blaming and the third one is a problem of competing
competing notice verse 16 Genesis 3:16 “To the woman God said I will surely
multiply your pain in childbearing in pain you shall bring forth children your
desire shall be contrary to your husband but he shall rule over you” What’s going
on there notices notice the word desire and rule in Hebrew this is known as a parallelism
two things put alongside each other to show how they interact and here now we
see every marriage is going to have an element of competition for control and
here Genesis 3 we see the wife desires to control the husband now the husband
could try to overshadow the wife and this is a great tragedy why this is not
what God meant God meant for them to work together like team whatever their
last name is instead of working together like a team now they become rivals and
if your marriage becomes a rivalry over who will win here’s the answer
no one will win there can be no winners in a rivalry there can only be losers
because God intended the marriage relationship to be team mates fighting for
not rivals fighting in the marriage so here’s the question
what is the most important day in a marriage what day is it is it the first
day is it the wedding day is that the most important day I don’t think so
certainly it’s the beginning I believe that the most important day in the
marriage is the last day that till death parts us day and it’s so sad in our
culture I’ve done over a hundred weddings it’s so sad in our culture that
couples spend so much time and energy and money planning for the first day but
spend so little time and money and energy planning for the last day the
till death parts us day and I don’t know about you I know about me I know
what I want my last day to look like we’re going on 29 years of marriage in
about a month and I want our last day to look like two people who’ve joined hands
together and who’ve held hands together for seven plus decades and listen we’ve
had a lot of reasons to let go but we haven’t why because living under a
covenant makes us better people living under a covenant makes us people that
God can turn us into the people we were meant to be but letting go and chasing
after our own desires is the path down it’s not the path to become Eugene Peterson is a pastor to pastors
and he’s done a million weddings I love what he has to say here Eugene Peterson
put it this way he said “Weddings are easy marriages are difficult the couple
wants to plan a wedding I want to plan a marriage they want to know where the
bridesmaids will stand I want to develop a plan for forgiveness” Listen friends
marriage can either be the best thing that ever happened to you or it can be
the worst thing that ever happened to you the key is you would you pray with me
our Father we recognize today that it really is only under your loving wise
rule that we can become the people that we were meant to become and the truth is
God if we were really being honest in your presence today we have ignored your
design in so many ways of our lives but especially when it comes to our
marriages the truth is God we need your wisdom today and our prayer today is would
you heal our hearts would you heal our marriages would you heal our families we’re gonna close our time today with a
special type of prayer and here’s what we want to do if you are
here today and you are married we want to pray for you and so please do us a
favor please please stand if you’re in the family center cafe and you’re
married please stand please stand please stand please stand we want to pray for you and I’ll have my wife Rose
come up and for those of you seated would you
just reach out to one of the couples in your area whoever you feel to just pray
for them because we want to pray together let’s pray Father we bow
ourselves before you today and we confess that this person that we’re with
this spouse in fact friends if you here and your spouses with you reach out grab
her hand right now and hold her hand Father we confess that this person whose hand
we hold they are a gift they are the ezar that you have given to us but
truth is God we haven’t treated them like a gift so often we take them for
granted so often we’ve said and done hurtful things and today we look to you
and say God forgive us Father we recognize also that we have had our own
self at the center of this marriage and not you not your purpose not your will
and so we look to you today and we say God would you please would you rule over
us would your kingdom come your will be done in our marriage just like it’s
being done in heaven right in this moment would you God take control and be
the ruler of this marriage and also as we continue praying God the truth is we
have hurt each other a lot and we need to learn how to forgive and
our prayer today God would you help me to pray for my spouse right now Father
forgive them for they know not what they did they didn’t know that they were
hurting me in all the ways that I was hurt so right now Father I forgive my
spouse best I know how right now Father I received my spouse as my helper right
now Father we say to you and we commit to you that we are all about team team
whatever our last name is that’s what we’re about we’re gonna invest in our
team we’re gonna champion this team this is the team we live for this is a team
we pour into this is the team that matters Jesus you are the champion of
this team beginning right here right now going forward and we pray that the rest
of this series you would help us and give us tools to build our team the way
that honors you help us to journey here at the Green Valley family in a way that
helps us to have the marriage that you designed and desire for us where it is
in Jesus name we pray and everybody said Amen

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