pirates. drugs. gay marriage. // Auto-Tune the News #2

Perhaps the Constitution envisions
certain one-size fits all solutions… Booorrrring! I hear a foghorn!
Boorrrrinnng! Élegislature override
a gubernatorial veto… Guboringital! I–I’m not feeling any…
romance between us right now. You gotta do it like this:
Shawtayee! Ready, set, go! This was a pretty remarkable week
on the gay marriage front. -First of all, to have a state like Iowa
-Whatchoo tryna say about Iowa? – Not the east coast state…
– East coast! – Not the left coast state…
– Left coast! In a decision written by
a republican appointee. Shawty, now you soundin so fine! Give me your number,
we can bump and grind. Talkin about politics all night.
Leavin the club in the mornin light. If we get carried away (mornin light…)
we might get gay-married today. We just heard from
some of our viewers who strongly support legalizing marijuana. Shawtayee, 5 of those calls was from me. Do you think we should
legalize pot alone or all drugs, including heroin, cocaine, and meth? My brain says no,
but my body says yes! I’m an angry gorilla.
I heard you needed me. (ooh oh ah ah) Now that Captain Richard Phillips
has been successfully rescued, the president has decided to
step in front of the spotlight… Ooh, I’m angry! You can’t see it,
but my forehead’s veiny. And even take some credit
for authorizing the mission. Well, don’t you worry, baby boo. You’ll always have an
angry gorilla to be angry with you. That’s what I do.
Just ask Donkey Kong. He’s in my crew. At the North Pole, new satellite photos
show arctic ice is melting so fast. Oh snap, how fast? Many scientists now predict
it will be gone within 30 years. Surely you jest!
I’m under cardiac arrest, shawtayee! Some researchers think it could
disappear in just six… (Shit!) Without it there could be
a snowball effect. (Ohhhh) With temperatures rising even faster, if we all don’t take
bold action and take it soon, (Yeah) We will find ourselves on very thin ice.
(Very thin ice) Very thin ice.
Very thin ice. Tell em, Hillary,
pirates on very thin ice. These pirates are criminals.
They are armed gangs on the sea. That means the ocean The United States
does not make concessions. Or ransom payments to pirates. Embarrassing…
Sorry guys. Uh, sorry.
Uh… I gotta take this. Hello, shawtayee, we can
meet up at the mall. (At the mall!) Browse around at the bookstore,
mentally ball until we fall. Love you too, grandma. Ah… sorry. Any other questions…?
Anybody you wanna buy drugs? From me? Auto-Tune the News (auto-tune the news)
Auto-Tune the News (auto-tune the news) Everything sounds better auto-tuned.

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