Sadhguru on Marriage – Don’t try to raise it to heaven..

Sadhguru on Marriage – Don’t try to raise it to heaven..


Sadhguru: Marriage is not a commodity that
you carry on your head, but many people carry it on their head. It’s just an arrangement,
so that socially, there is some sense to the way you fulfill
the needs that you have. A human being has needs –
physical, psychological,
emotional, financial,
social, various kinds of needs. To fulfill these things in a dignified manner,
we came up with something called marriage, so that it is fulfilled within a framework,
your desires don’t run wild and disturb everything in the society,
some kind of a framework so that it can be conducted in a sensible
manner. Now you have raised this to heaven
because somebody told you, “Marriages are made in heaven” (Laughter). Only the unmarried ones think so (Laughter/Applause). So it’s just two people, all right? Now, spiritual process is about turning inward. Can I turn inward with somebody else (Laughs)? Marriage is an arrangement to fulfill certain
aspect of your life. Don’t complicate life by thinking,
“We will walk together on the spiritual path.” There is no such thing
because spiritual path is not (Laughs) not the path that you take into the Velliangiri
Mountains, that you want to walk together. Even if you go to Velliangiri Mountains,
please don’t walk hand-in-hand (Laughter). It’s a narrow pathway
and it’s not an appropriate way to walk in the forest (Laughs). You can walk in the park hand-in-hand. You can go shopping hand-in-hand. You can sit in a cinema hand-in-hand. You can’t turn inward hand-in-hand (Applause). Now, does it mean to say someone who is married,
what it ma… Let’s understand this. Someone who is married means
someone who’s made an official arrangement for their needs in life. A formal arrangement for simple needs that
a human being has, which are biological,
which are psychological, which are social, many things. So, these arrangements that you have made,
conduct these arrangements gracefully, so there will be time and space for you to
turn around. If you pay excess attention to these arrangements,
then turning around will not be possible. This does not mean if you are alone, you will
do it. If you are alone, you may be always looking
out (Laughs). You will spend your entire time and life looking
out for somebody. That will also not help. If you think your desires,
your longings and your needs can be well handled by an arrangement
of marriage all right. Don’t try to raise it to heaven. It doesn’t happen in heaven, believe me. And if heaven is making so many mistakes (Laughter),
then we will have to seriously reconsider many things (Laughs). So, of course in India,
we don’t blame it on the heaven. We do our own calculations. Of all the arrangements of stars and planets
and everything, we match all the planets and stars very well. It’s very easy to match stars because they
never fought ever (Laughter). But to match these two people –
that nobody has managed, except those two people if they are sensible
(Laughs). If they are sensible, they can manage it. Nobody else can match these two people (Applause). Priests have tried,
gods have tried, ghosts and goblins have tried,
it’s not worked and not worked and not worked. Two sensible people, they can manage. If both of them understand the limitations
of the arrangement and the possibilities of the arrangement,
they can conduct it sensibly. If you try to raise it to heaven,
you will see it will for sure crash. So, your marriage has nothing to do with your
spiritual process because your spiritual process is an inward
journey. But one dimension of this is –
to walk alone, people falter. Actually, this question was asked to Gautama
the Buddha, “Is it better to walk alone or in company?” Gautama looked and said,
“It’s better to walk alone than to walk with a fool” (Laughs) (Applause)
because Gautama – not me, okay (Laughter) –
Gautama believes only a fool will marry you (Laughter/Applause). It’s him, not me, okay (Laughter)? So, the word ‘marriage’
might have acquired a very negative aura around it
in certain parts of the world now because they have some sense of very juvenile
freedom. Marriage is a bad thing when you are a young
person but when you were a child, it was a great
thing. Yes or no? When you were a little child,
you were for the institution of marriage. When you’re 18 you’re against it. When you’re 45, again you’re for it. (Laughs)
Isn’t it so? When you were children,
did you not wish that your father, mother and a stable situation existed around you? Was that not a natural longing? So, when you’re five, you’re for marriage
– not your own, somebody else’s. (Laughs)
When you’re 18 you’re against because right now your physical body is in
a certain mode, marriage looks like a bondage, a chain,
you want to do things in a certain way. But slowly as the body weakens,
once again you wish there was somebody with you in a committed way, isn’t it? Yes or no? This is a very
a juvenile feeling that ‘when I’m strong I don’t need anybody. When I become weak I wish there was somebody
with me.’ No. I think partnership should be formed
when you are at the peak of your well-being. Isn’t it so? Not when you have fallen. When you have fallen, if you seek a partnership,
you will make bad partnerships, desperate partnerships. When you are well,
when you are at the peak of your life, that is when you must make a partnership
which will take you through all those ups and downs
but now the problem is the partnership itself is taking me down;
that is the complaint. Partnership itself is taking you down,
that is because of the way you are. ‘No, no, I am okay, it’s the other person’
– that is what’s the problem is with you. That is what is problem with you –
you think you are okay and somebody else is wrong –
that is the basis. Somewhere once in a way it so happened,
completely disaligned people met and something happened,
maybe they need to break it it may happen
but for every whim and fancy, breaking the relationships is not a good thing. Above all, you must understand
as body as mind has memory, physical body has its
own memory; this is called runanubandha. You have heard of a word like this? The Indian people? Runanubandha? Runanubandha means it’s the physical memory. Physical body itself has its memory;
if it goes through certain experiences it remembers and body responds and reacts
in many ways in future based on this memory. Physical intimacies always cause this memory
in a big way and if you imprint with too many memories
and there is a certain level of confusion in the body,
you work out everything in your life, still you will find
you do not know what it means to be blissful; there is no ease. There is no ease in your system
because there is a complex impressions of memory in your system
and it can confuse the body in such a way that it’ll cause much trouble to one’s
life. You must see first of all
whether for you as a person is it such an important thing or is it just
a passing thing? I would say for at least twenty five to thirty
percent of people they need not even go in that direction
because it is a just a passing interest. For another thirty to forty percent,
it may be a little more long they get into this –
for ten years, twelve years they feel good after that they think it is a burden. There are some people for whom the need is
very strong. That they need this;
another twenty five thirty percent need it for a much longer period
they definitely need to get into such arrangements or whatever.

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