Support Strategies for the Holidays, December 2019

Support Strategies for the Holidays, December 2019


Good evening tonight I
would like to focus on ways that we can build support for ourselves and with
others who live with these chronic illnesses that deliver so much pain
exhaustion isolation along with feeling inadequate and that because we cannot do
all that we would love to do the grief and anger at times at our conditions in
our illnesses and our symptoms you’re so overwhelming that sometimes it
overshadows commemorating the season and fully enjoying it all so it’s important
for all of us that the larger group not just patients but caregivers and loved
ones and families too to remember what Stewart Drescher said in a conference of
2012 witches there may be one of us that has the symptom but we all have the
illness so I’m speaking to the larger group at the beginning I have had to
have some support and able to be to do this presentation tonight so I would
like to thank two of my granddaughter’s Becca black and her sister Rachel black
who does the blogs for the statement Horne Center website and I would also
like to thank my dear friend Sharon Swenson who did all the technological
work to make this possible tonight so I’d like to focus on and in holiday
season and our holiday season because so many of us are so limited and what we
can do I would like to focus as much tonight on the inner process of
commemorating the season and enjoying it as we can so we’ll start by looking at
what is most important to us or to you about the season now let me say a little
bit of a concept that I’m going to come back to again and again this evening and
that is we as people or as personalities are really a collection of sub cells if
you think about it there may be a Christmas selfing when you that I’d like
to have joy and fun even as a child had surprises there’s also the part of us
that carries the pain there’s another part of us that Thaksin likes to connect
with others so we have many parts of ourselves in fact one of my very
favorite birthday card says we are all always all the
Agis we have ever been so tonight the focus will be looking at our deeper self
our core self which some people call their spiritual self essence soul spirit
whichever you want to name that deepest rounded inner part of us and try to go
there a little bit in order to be able to figure out what we really can do what
we want during this holiday time with our limited capacities so let’s start
with looking at our deepest values one of the ways that we can do that is
through an imaging exercise imagery exercise which I will get you in a few
minutes but I want to start with having your inviting you to go inside and to
think of some of the Christmases past some of the holiday season and then
focus on what have been some of your deepest values in life and during the
season so that we can capture that as we go forward so those are expressing your
spiritual faith another one of those is an affirmation of love by connecting
with others and the experiences you have together sometimes that pleasure and
warmth of opening yourself to the experience with another kraits in fact
maybe a larger self or larger sense of community with other people another one
that I particularly enjoy and I’m sure many of you do is the joy and
celebration that music can bring Christmas music or looking at various
performances that celebrate various aspects of the season also even though
we may be limited service value of helping others is really strong in a lot
of us and so we’ll focus on that if that is there we’ll chill try to find a way
that that might be able to happen and then of course many of us really values
the rituals and the sequences of the seasons pasts those past rituals whether
it’s a tree whether it’s caroling whether it’s preparing to be Santa Claus
when we once had Santa Claus come to us helps us cement our past self to our
present self and hopefully we can carry that into the future and in doing so we
are valuing and connecting with this keep this part of ourselves pulling the
various parts of ourselves so that when we’re done we have a holy hole more hole
feeling of being a larger self that we can then be grounded in even though our
symptoms are still present even though the pain may be still be there so
there’s an important reason for doing this let’s do the next there we go
why do this now why do it this way on an inner season so in the field of
psychotherapy there is a fairly famous research group headed by Scott Miller
who studies how we change and so these actually how people change in therapy to
have good outcomes and over the decades of evidence I’ve been to many of his
workshops over the decades of evidence he asserts that we really can only
change one thing at a time and that we make that change by focusing on the
smallest details so if I want to learn a piece of music I learned that note in
the sequence of the next note then the next note and go back and combine them
again and again and again until I have it so by learning a particular behavior
so by learning the thought patterns that go with it by learning how we do it
again and again and again and practice practice practice it’s ours this is
really important of this larger collection and and unification or
integration of our whole self and deepest self because key parts of our
identity work so that term identity work key parts of our identity work happen in
very small important segments such as treating and practicing a new idea or
skill like we just talked about I would also like to emphasize that it’s
important to understand that as we grow and as we’re using the season to connect
to our deeper self as we grow it emerges from within us so let’s say that you
have gone to an event let’s say that there was a Christmas dinner well let’s
say that there was a place where people came to you and that you sat around and
you discuss what’s really important is not to say oh that event was
than last year or that event was worse than last year we’re then just talking
about the surface event but if you say to yourself I become way more grounded
that event came deep into me and it will stay there over time you’re again
integrating yourself in a way that you can carry yourself forward
so let’s link this these abstract concepts that I’m talking about to
something really may be literal and more concrete and in that in that effort
I would like to do a guided imagery so wherever you are at the moment I’d like
you to take a few deep slow breaths actually slow breaths are really
important for relaxing where you are in your bed feel the pillow feel the bed
covers if you’re in a chair sit and notice how the chair is holding you
instead of you holing yourself up notice how your feet can be on the floor or
wherever they are just feel yourself more grounded in your body if you can
and just follow if you want for a foam up a few moments excuse me a few moments
what I’m going to say so I’d like you to imagine while you’re taking these little
breaths that I will guide you into this coming year I would like to guide you
into the middle of January say the 15th that will be on a Wednesday that’s
coming here and now I want you to move yourself forward out of where you are at
the moment and imagine what it’ll be like in January and I would like you to
imagine it in a way that you will not have realized that you will be back in
your regular life the everyday complications your symptoms and pain
will still be there but you have been refreshed and deep in Lee and deep
deeply enjoyed the season so while we do this I want you to remember then this
holiday season what might be more the one most precious important memory that
you would like to have one event one connection one thing at a time and I
would like to have that connect if you would to one of the values you picked
out before just pick one just pick one value just pick one event
see that they’re linked most often they really really
I’d like you to imagine you’ve had that event now in the future January self
you’re remembering that event with high vivid detail you can go through what the
smells were the sounds the feeling of connecting to someone the music that
came into you just pick one thing when you think of that particular song or
that image or that memory start to feel it if you can’t right now in your body
feel the release or if there are some joy involved just bring it in maybe from
Christmases past for your imagination most of us who have some chronic
illnesses spend a lot of time in our own minds and when we’re in those minds we
can use them in various different ways and one of them is we go over a lot of
things you go over the past we go over a match in future we go over what we can
do right now and so let’s use our minds now to go into the deepest joyful or
calm or peaceful self to capture the feeling in our body of comfort or joy
peace or celebration or whatever that we most would like to capture in January
because we can look back on it so likely some of these memories of this image
that you’re experiencing at the moment will be linked to Christmas past because
we’ve had a thread of them throughout our lives and they’ve created this
Christmas elf I’m calling or the see themself but this holiday self however
use that have celebrated it I have a word of passion however and that is
sometimes these memories will bring back traumatic or difficult memories they’ll
get flooded in with what we really must want to enjoy I’m going to ask you for
just a moment if one of those come up to please ask it to leave the room close
the door leave it out if you can so that you can distill it into what you want
the most so if you will now come back to the president come back to us talking
here in the room if you’d like and then focus again in the present on that one
event that one memory that one situation that one connection which you might want
to have so we should now look at how do we make this happen
oh here we are right here there is a great book from years ago called unplug
the Christmas machine I looked it up on the web you can still find it online you
can order it if you’d like but essentially what unplugged the Christmas
Machine says is that how do you pare down everything in essential in the
Christmas season of the holiday season – what has the most value and that’s what
we’re focusing on tonight so what will happen often at this time of year is
that we have quite a few expectations we have feelings of being in it being
within our symptoms and many times of feeling isolated being inadequate
feeling pressured overstretched and also sometimes we deeply mourn the loss of
functioning who we had in past holiday seasons we often caught in the opposite
direction of people wanting the celebration to be married and have more
joy and we would want that for ourselves but what I often hear and you probably
hear too is I can’t create a good balance pretty good balance between what
you can do and celebrating and living your life bluntly it cannot happen there
is no such thing as a balanced life and particularly during this season so the
expectations of the Christmas and machine cannot be met not by eat not by
any of us even when our symptoms are in remission and not by anybody who doesn’t
have a chronic illness and this fully abled so what we want is our ability to
carry it all off and it really can’t be done so the reality is merely ratch
match the expectation that we want so tonight by pairing down to one memory
one event one thing we want to create then we can pull back from that
insidious idea that how busy we are and how much we accomplished is created and
equated with our deepest worth it is not one of the hardest things to overcome
as understanding that we are worthwhile so we are our personality traits and
values we are our generosity that we are our connectedness you are our curiosity
we are our intelligence we are all connected in different ways with each
other that’s who we truly are so that’s one of the reasons again I’m focusing in
this direction so now we’re in the holiday season already what do we do so
I’ve had two knee replacements and before both of those replacements my
doctor outlined a prehab or prehabilitation protocol they wanted me
to follow for at least two months before the surgery he wanted to make the
rehabilitation afterwards much easier and much easier in a much shorter and so
let’s follow that idea right now what can you do for instance this week
tomorrow whether you’re a patient a loved one or caregiver to take some
event or some duties or some expectation about what you should do off the
calendar just take it off or when planning and considering all the
multiple events that might come in this upcoming month
what can you cancel or not attend and in that cancelling can you find some open
space and time they have some rest some soul rest deep rest I’ll let you keep
coordinating what you value most what you value most with others so that you
can create a good inner holiday season so we’re circling around the idea again
and again of pacing ourselves now in December so they will experience a
relapse in January or forward in toward the year so turning inward before we
turn outward sustains our larger self that is bigger than the current
circumstances so let’s consider some tools for this prehabilitation one of
them is where are we here tools for the process how much battery life do you
have so please send take some time if you haven’t already to assist how
many minutes or hours of a day you realistically have to function much like
with your mobile device the battery drains more quickly when you’re using a
high demand function such as going to the doctor preparing a dinner having
multiple people over as high demand and drains faster or in the same way if
you’re watching a favorite holiday movie for instance or if you’re listening to
an audiobook or if you’re listening to something it’s restful but you’re still
engaged that’s a slower release so let’s say for
a moment that you have two hours a day that’s all that you can do after that
you become too exhausted you come tired you can’t function where your brain fog
comes in or multiple other symptoms so let’s say you only have two hours some
people have less some people have more but just just take that turn example so
let’s say you have a to two hours a day if you’ve had enough sleep the night
before which many times is not the case which then your batteries already
drained when you wake up so let me see where I am here this sense of scope of
how much time I really have is one of the most important tools because then
you can create a larger sense of an event or an interactional process you
might want if you have a little more and you have less you can do a little less
it needs to be editable this what I’m trying to get so the more that we can
focus on that then we can do the next thing which is I’m going I’m gonna go
back to what I said before is that if you start to have difficult memories of
the past put send it out the door one of the more
important things to do and to enjoy ourselves is to find ways and tools to
avoid ruminating because we will we just will our think don’t cause us to do that
that’s not anything wrong with you that you do it it happens it all is and so I
have had my own moments and years I’ve also practicing and playing with and
trying to avoid and so on so let me give you a couple of ideas one of them is
it’s the quickest way and one of the most effective ways is to deflect and
distract find something that takes as much focus that is positive it’s
called pop switching you switch it so in other words we can’t stop that we can’t
stop the TV but we can’t change the channel so we’re talking about channel
changing so find a piece of music that you can listen to note by note or dive
word just let it run through you focus focus focus focus it’s also one of the
exercises mindfulness meditation did you bring yourself back to the
breath you bring yourself back to the guy to the imagery I’ll help you all
listen to some guided meditations so you have some practice with this we often
think we should rethink in the middle of ruminating we should really think and be
logical and do it the right way it’s not possible
when we are ruminating we are agitated we cannot reconstruct our thoughts at
that time it’s simply important to change the
channel move to something else so pick out a menu so one of the ideas I’m
having is that you kick out on a menu the things that you can focus on instead
of when you get caught in difficulties so that you can go back to what you
might want to enjoy so the menu recommended music pick a menu of really
good memories emotion relates to the season or not it’s something you can do
if you can move around and do some things do something that you know really
engages if you can cook you can just follow that recipe and every little
detail so you take your mind out of it so that’s an important tool the other
one that really makes a difference it actually may be one of those things you
can switch to is practicing gratitude the reason I’m mentioning this one is
that speaking gratitude not just experience it inside but speaking aloud
to others is one of the better antidepressants around there are many
others like exercise but we can’t always do this so practicing gratitude say it
out loud if no one’s around say it out loud into the air say it to all the
different parts of yourself say it to those that need to be comforted say it
out loud do it in very specific detail one important thing to note is that the
small of the detail the bigger the punch so if I say to one of you in the
audience I really like your hair that’s a
contrary broad but if I say I really like how your bangs are just parted in
the middle and they come off to either side of your face and frame it in a
really nice way you sound picking up the small detail that’s true by the way to
somebody I’m looking at I’m picking up the really small detail to yourself and
to others has a bigger punch the last thing I had but let me just said quickly
it’s important that when you’re thinking about an activity or an event that you
want to create for the season did you really realistically plan how
much time it will take to prepare to do – whatever for myself I have figured out
that when I plant something very carefully about how long it’s going to
take it takes me three times longer so I then just do it by three I thought it
would only take me maybe two or three hours to do this presentation know I’ve
spent the last two days with the help of others which by the way I’m glad to do
it I’m so hopefully this is this presentation helpful now let’s switch to
the last slide that support fly out I’m not going to spend as much time on this
because there are many resources and there are a lot of discussion about how
we do things with others and they’re my hunches by if you’ll just take a cruise
off of all the many wonderful videos on the Bateman horn Center website there
are plenty of ideas about getting support and so on so I’m going to just
focus on a couple of to or three things here one of them is if you would want to
create event that will you in January you can look back on and it has the most
value talk it out loud with somebody whether they can help you with it or not
as another question just talk out loud just say it make it alive much like
you’re going on plugging the Christmas machine you can still go for that one
central part of your heart’s desire plan also how much battery life it will take
and then as I said double or triple or whatever of it because we often miss out
on the little details we just think of the big event the other thing we might
do here and so is offering service let’s say for the
moment that you are very limited in what you can do there you have less than two
hours so that maybe you’re confined to bud or the pain is so bad it is hard to
switch focus it still helps much like gratitude to offer some service and many
times I can simply be texting somebody what you’re grateful for and that you
like them about or many times they were offered to come over but you can listen
to them with an open heart one of the this games you could ever get it’s the
list does somebody else say their life however difficult are wonderful it is
with an open heart and there’s one tip I have here learning how to listen takes a
lot of skill and I’m not gonna go into the details of doing it I’m just gonna
say I’m gonna give you a tip go online just Google listening skills plenty of
stuff will come up then you could learn how to listen with Devon matures telling
their story and you not interrupting with yours
is the if it is part of the skill but it’s also part of the open-heartedness
so there are external resources for support not well known but is very very
helpful is to win one two one one is like nine one one it’s the national
information referral services I mean you can call it is free and there’s one
hearing your time you can just call out up and say I need to know how I can get
a ride to XYZ I would like to know if there’s some support services for how do
meals go what happened you ask him anything they will let you know they
will maybe give you a reference to a website if you don’t have a computer
tell me coach you through it have them coach you how to do it
so that’s just one resources they’re available all year long but you might
use it now when you’re kind of stuck and I don’t know what to do and then they’ve
already said that there are so many videos on their website that that I
think are helpful and sometimes let me just make a quick suggestion maybe look
at the video of living with a chronic illness because it just reminds us to
ground us to say I have limited capacity I’m going to use
in the best way possible so that now through the season and come through
January I can really look back and I will feel really the deep joy peace or
comfort that I’ve always really wanted turn this season thank you so yeah what questions do you guys have
you know we’re now looking at a question is on blood cancer really I think I can
we had a comment listening to this while writing tomorrow’s lesson plans which
yes always takes twice as long right yes what sort of questions do you guys have
I have a question mm-hmm just based on some of the
feedback that we received during our monthly support groups mm-hmm do you
have any suggestions or tools resources that people can reference when talking
to their loved ones about their illness during the holiday season there’s a lot
of pressure to you know try to get to the events and I really like your pre
holiday strategies your prehab yeah what suggestions do you have for for our
chronic illness folks who are trying to still engage in family events with added
stress and you know the whole and amplification holidays so I think there
are two parts maybe to the answer one of them is to it depends on who you’re
talking to I mean some loved ones and caregivers are so on they’re really
understanding and so that’s an easier conversation than somebody who really
just like it’s really important they’re only these people in town we have to
have the family picture that sort of suggestion typically speaking if you go
back to what the one thing you can do or the two things you can do and say I’m
available for this but I’m not available for that so you just repeat it in
assertiveness training there’s a strategy called the broken record
technique it was developed when we had burgers ah but what it says is you say
the same thing again and again and again let me just give you an example let’s
say you’re asking me to be there for the family picture and I can’t be there for
the family picture I know they can Photoshop it in anyway okay let’s just
see so you say I’m I’m able I’m going to I’m going to an event there’s a certain
fire performance I really really want see and then I have the energy to that
but I I know that will be the day after I won’t be able to come and you will say
but it’s really really important yeah it’s really yeah I know it’s really
really important I know that it’s it’s wonderful to have everybody together and
then I would be so exhausted then I really will not be able to go I won’t
even be able to think clearly and I know that may be hard to understand but
that’s the case now come back at me okay so is it is it truly just being honest
about this you want the acknowledged said that yeah yeah so if the person
then says well is it the family picture more important than the choir
performance whew you can say all of it is important so
what I’m doing is I’m empathizing with what the person says and then I’m going
back and repeating exactly the same thing which is I will be so exhausted I
won’t be I’m not even sure I’ll be able to make it to that choir performance
well I’m not sure that would be the case I know it’s hard to understand so you
see I’m just repeating you pick out some targeted quick way of saying what you
can do what you can’t do you empathize with the other end then you go back
after about three times people stopped because they realize they’re not getting
anywhere you know they may be mad they may be upset well you just what he
simply say I know it’s really hard people really sometimes don’t understand
the nature of the severity of the illness until you keep repeating it in
simple concrete ways the pain running down through my side and back it’s kind
of a level-8 today and I’m just there will be by the time I walk around for a
little while and so I don’t know that I’d be able to do it as a family picture
because ever late but there’s nothing I can do but trying to handle the pain so
you meet very specific about what it is this is really crucial you say it in a
calm warm voice as much as you can muster because if you’re irritable or
angry with them for complaint and pressure they will only hear your
irritability and anger they will not hear but really your body suit is not
doing very well and so so that’s one of this that’s sort of one of the
strategies the other one is to say I won’t be able to do that but could you
come over we could plan to do something else in other words you could do a
substitution there’s something because if what they really want is some time
with you or connection then you can do it in a very limited way yeah and maybe
so I know well I just want a meal with you and then there maybe somebody else
will bring that’s it well just come over we’ll just have something a little to
eat and maybe have some you can maybe do a little bit of the work or maybe
somebody else can bring over something so essentially substitution but
minimizing the time and energy will take is also one way I think that might be
helpful so kind of being your own best yes define inside all those different
parts of yourself you have to find your advocate self that’s right that’s hard
that’s a hard hat to put on so it is a hard hat to pull on but by practicing
ahead of time any of these skills if you can practice them ahead of time or maybe
invite somebody over and say help me out here I want to roleplay with you I’ll
have to say by the way that one of the quickest ways to learn something
thoroughly is to role-player to somebody so let’s say somebody’s coming over
there’s going to be difficult a little bit bringing a couple kids of things
with to balance again or your kids are too bouncing with their kids or whatever
if you have a friend come over and say okay I need to say this can I say it out
loud to you and just like we did ask you to say something back and fight be hard
on me keep coming at me right and so you keep practicing it once you’ve said
something out loud and coordinated your breath and your voice box and your
tongue and your mind again and again and again then you can do it you can’t do it
just by thinking it you really have to do an emotion kick right and if there’s
nobody to do it with and you happen to have a smartphone give yourself a video
selfie it over there and just record yourself doing then go back I know
everybody gets embarrassed but I mean nobody’s watching but you and so so just
go back and forth attack you’ve got it you know it’s hard and you’ll have
limited image to do that so again you can learn one thing at a time we change
one thing at a time so if it doesn’t go so well this season oh well your health
your health and this connection to your deeper self is more important for the
connected oftentimes our deeper self is connected to somebody
that’s one of the things we want so guard that sort also yeah okay we have a
couple of comments here questions kind of woven in how do you help someone
understand that even mental energy is very exhausting you know you’ll hear you
can sit on the couch at home or sit with us the only difference is that with us
you’re not alone and on the flip side is how do you how that individual
understand that being within the chaos can be just as exhausting as being
physically active so sometimes it helps to create a comparison so if you happen
to know this person is really good at literature but they can never get math
or they could never get physics you say tell me about how hard it was sitting
that physics class on that math test could you ever really understand it did
you kind of your mind spoke off and you couldn’t get it it’s like all the time
you know so you you try to find some comparison that they have or if they’ve
had surgery about something you can say mer the pain right whatever it’s kind of
you know if you get a comparison with in their own life yeah
sometimes people understand that a little better but let’s say they chaos
of too many people around one thing that sometimes chronic illnesses do is create
more of what’s called sensory processing difficulties so noise becomes more
aversive or the complexity of too many people moving around does or the feeling
of you know clothes on in a certain way or whatever we just become more
sensitized and so you can also explain that remember when you’re itching you
can get the edge soft well it’s sort of like that so you that’s one of the
better things to do is to try to create some sort of comparison into their life
and if they still don’t it’s just hard right and say I’m sorry we can’t reach
an understanding on this I wish we could but it looks like we’re not gonna find a
way to kind of match up but gosh I have a bunch of reading material you know you
can go to this website and there are all kinds of videos and people if you just
listen to them for a while they can tell you better than I can tell you so again
you would refer them back to other materials and if they’re really
interested they’ll go watch yeah and if they’re not
they won’t and you’ll know that really it would be nice to have
better connection but not but if somebody keeps pressuring no matter what
at some point you’ll have to say I’m sorry that’s all we can do today you can
tell me that’s right simply say I’m I’m I’m sort of worn out or you can say when
they come I have a 20 minute time limit and then my battery life is out and then
my leaner alarm cup goes up and I just kind of closed my eyes and drift off
drift off do it there’s a passive way to stop it’s what I’m trying to say you
don’t always have to do it out loud that way so there’s a different ways that
yeah yeah what I’m hearing a lot of what you’re saying is boundaries that works
for yourself setting boundaries with your family members and and keeping to
them and keeping to them but I’m also including what often gets me it’s been
talking about boundaries is about reinforcing the individual self but I’m
also emphasizing having empathy for the other person who or repeating what they
are saying that they believe or whatever as well as then reaffirming what you’re
saying so so then you keep the connection because if you just move
towards boundaries you’re gonna feel just more isolated but if you find ways
to also have empathy for what they’re in like that’s hard for you come all this
way I can only spend 20 minutes I just am really so sorry let’s just maybe have
a video chat on the phone next month or something or next week so you’re then
keeping the connection going as well as your individual self being protected or
going at the same time so it’s really so one person put it this way that we both
have needs for connection and we have needs for in autonomy and individual
self and if they are roughly balanced as much as possible then you know whoa I
mean time to really go out of whack but essentially is what you’re trying to do
you’re trying to keep both alive yeah we have another comment question
this individual indicates that she’s she has a pretty supportive and
accommodating family mm-hmm however when she you know gets around some of some
family members there could be a lot of pressure and questions
around you know what have you been doing and you’re so young why are you know
what are you doing and so it’s hard to almost explain the illness she said that
she’s nervous about seeing them and fielding questions about what have I
been up to when I’m mostly managing my illness and trying to sleep and get well
or why I may sit around a lot while visiting do you have any tips on
fielding those times a couple one one of them to say you know it’s a mystery to
meet you yeah we’re all trying to find this out one of the things I’m the
treatment and help I’m getting a center is trying to understand what we already
know when we only know there’s only know the fog has only been lifted a little
bit we really don’t know entirely we know more than we did we know that
there’s a physical illness so if somebody has pneumonia and then in the
hospital we know that that is a physical illness this is a physical illness I’m
trying to figure it out too but one of the most common prescriptions and this
is what I’m doing it is why I am I supposed to do which is to sleep it’s
the rest and then you might if the person is open and supportive you can
talk about you know that exercise rebound fatigue for instance you can
talk about that actually if I do beyond my battery life I am going to relapse
and it’s going to be worse and we can talk even last yeah yeah so you you
could come in fold in the stuff that we’ve already talked about or the
strategies we’ve already talked about but it’s also important to say I’ll come
back and talk to you about this again and again because I really know you’re
curious I know you’re supportive I know you really want the best for me I wish I
weren’t so young either you know I really mourn and grieve and maybe some
of that mourning and grieving about what I can’t do we can do a little bit
together talking and because it really is about grief yeah honesty very honest
so it’s finding that you’re trying to match honesty with kindness you’re
trying to be warm and empathetic or at least calm and empathetic
well how being saying the truth as much as possible now keep in mind some people
can hear more of it in the others or a bigger explanation than others it’s just
that if you tell a lie you are not honest with yourself then
you have to work with yourself later on yeah
later on you’ll have kind of an emotional relapse a little bit because
then it’s like what you could have said this is my mad about this one ruminating
ruminate ruminate however if that does happen and you start Remini I should
have could have would it really please write it down you can write what you
wish you would have done or what you wish you could because it gives you the
clues about what to do in the future so you can start a mine it for a little bit
of gold that’s in there does that make sense and sometimes that helps stop on
the ruminating to make it out of here into there if it feels like I don’t even
have the energy for that turn on the voice activation part of your phone or
your computer and just say as much of it out loud as you can I wish I would have
been I wish this would have happened she could it’s fine because then it’s done
then you can try to put non-roman ad skills
you close that door that’s right close that door
switch to something else yeah I bet this has been great do we have any other
questions out there um a couple of tips that people have provided to one another
in here regarding you know when there’s noise and chaos with the holidays
sometimes it’s as simple as putting in some ear plugs it’s okay to do that to
kind of get yourself away from the overstimulation if you need if you do
have to travel through airports or bus bus systems whatever it might be again
it’s not rude to advocate for yourself but those are your plugs in or you might
then wrap yourself up to give it meaning that you bring something in you wrap
yourself up that’s a signal to not intrude you know that’s a to people well
then if they you know we won’t intrude as much if you have a scarf around that
says I’m right in here yeah yeah I like that
I masks there’s another one to kind of help with overstimulation sometimes with
all the lights and the noises and everything though they’re pretty they
can’t be overstimulating so not seeing anything else trickle in any questions
from our audience thank you thank you very much what do I
love most about the holiday season what I love most about the holiday season is
finding in just the right gift for other people well luckily it’s becoming easier
searches my kids and grandchildren gotten older and what they want it’s
easier for me to figure out so but I love to have just the right gifts and
then I know I’ll tell you what it is it’s just the right gift and the look of
surprise that is it just like oh this is great but like it matches matches
somehow what they love the most or what looks like they’re deeper cells like if
I can figure that out yes well Mary Beth thank you so much I just want to remind
everybody that the first Wednesday of January is actually New Year’s Day so we
won’t be doing the monthly education session on New Year’s Day but rather the
following week on January 8th where we will be hearing from a patient and
advocate who also lives in battles chronic illness everyday she will be
talking to us about mindfulness techniques so you kind of bring along
the perfect segue she’ll be giving us some tools and tricks and resources that
we can implement in our daily life so thank you all thank you happy holidays
yes the Bateman horn Center VHC makes
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