Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele

Folks, I have a simple philosophy. The government should work for everyone, not just the elite. And that’s why I helped pass the farm bill, because I care about farmers. But I won’t stop there. I will work for everyone, whether you are young, whether you are old, whether you are Asian or Hispanic, whether…

Key & Peele – A Cappella – Uncensored

[scats] (all) ♪ There goes the girl who owns my heart ♪ ♪ I knew she was the one right from the start ♪ – ♪ Ooh-wah – ♪ Our love is here to stay – ♪ Ooh-wah – ♪ Each and every day ♪ We know that we will never part ♪ [scats] (Lyle)…

Prepared for Terries – Key & Peele

[low music in headphones] ♪ Yo. Hey, yo. Hey, yo. Yo, yo. Excuse–Excuse me? Oh man, oh man, oh man. I’ll tell you one thing, if 9/11st were to happen up on this here plane, psht, don’t worry. We got this. Oh. Okay, I have no idea what you’re talking about. He said that if…

Key & Peele – Karim and Jahar

– JAHARI, MY FRIEND. THERE ARE A LOT OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OUT HERE TODAY. [chuckles] – YEAH. KAREEN, MY FRIEND, YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH. – WELL, I DO WHAT I CAN. – OOH. – OH… WOW. – RIGHT? – HA-HA. – BLIP. – SHA-BLOIMPS. – [laughs] – YOU KNOW, I CAUGHT A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF…

Key & Peele – Gay Wedding Advice

– WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY. NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE’RE HERE. COUSIN DELROY’S GETTING MARRIED… all: MM-HMM. – TO A MAN. WHICH IS CRAZY. – MM-HMM. – AND WE’RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH, WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH THE PARTICULARS OF A GAY WEDDING. WHAT I’VE DONE IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE TO…

Substitute Teacher – Key & Peele

[bell rings] – ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, Y’ALL. I’M Y’ALL’S SUBSTITUTE TEACHER, MR. GARVEY. I TAUGHT SCHOOL FOR 20 YEARS IN THE INNER CITY, SO DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT MESSING WITH ME. Y’ALL FEEL ME? – MM-HMM. – OKAY. LET’S TAKE ROLL HERE. JAY QUELLIN. WHERE’S JAY QUELLIN AT? NO JAY QUELLIN HERE? – [clears…

Key & Peele – White Zombies

[ominous music] – [breathing heavily] ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT’S CLOSE BY–WE’LL BE SAFE THERE. – OKAY. – STAY CLOSE. – [blows air] – I’LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE. – [snarling] all: [screaming] [screaming and whimpering] – OH, MY GOD! – OH, MY GOD! – THEY GOT BRAD! – [whimpers] – THEY GOT…

Key & Peele – East/West College Bowl

– HI, EVERYBODY, I’M DAVE STASSEN ALONGSIDE GEOFF WORTHING, AND WELCOME TO THE ANNUAL EAST/WEST BOWL, AS WE GET READY TO WATCH SOME OF THE BEST COLLEGE PLAYERS IN THE NATION SHOWCASE THEIR SKILLS IN A CLASSIC SHOWDOWN BETWEEN EAST AND WEST. AND THERE REALLY ARE SOME CHARACTERS ON THIS YEAR’S SQUADS, AREN’T THERE, GEOFF?…

Key & Peele – Boxing Press Conference

– THIS IS THE FIGHT EVERYBODY’S BEEN WAITING FOR, BUT WHEN I GET ANDRE IN THE RING, MAN, IT’S GONNA BE CRUEL AND QUICK, ‘CAUSE IT’S GONNA BE, LIKE, ONE-TWO, ONE-TWO, BOOM, AND YOU OUT. – MAN, [bleep] YOU, CLAUDIUS LEWIS. I’M GONNA [bleep] YOU RIGHT IN THE ASS. YEAH, I’M GONNA BEND YOU OVER…