Why Do We Have So Many Labels? | Kat Blaque

Why Do We Have So Many Labels? | Kat Blaque

This video was brought to you by the lovely
members of my Patreon. Like I said, you’ve got these men who identify
as gay who mostly date men who do occasionally sleep with women and you might not understand
their het-, their homosexuality because they sleep with women. You might not understand that, right? You might not get that, but do you have to? [Music] Hey guys, it’s Kat and it’s time for another
episode of True Tea. I wanted to thank you guys so much for joining
me here. If you had another episode of truths, he big
you guys for coming every single week and contributing to this platform. It really means an awful lot to me. If you’re brand new here, what we like to
do on this channel is learn, share and grow through education and conversation and this
is the conversation segment. This is where we come and we share our rawest. The most real True Tea we are honest, we are
open. We are saying things that sometimes may or
may not be right or wrong, but it’s how we feel in the moment and it’s all just about
sort of learning how to interact with each other and live with each other and understand
each other. So if you are into that sort of thing, I would
highly suggest that you subscribe to this YouTube channel because that’s what we tend
to do here. So yeah. Anyway, we’re going to be having a quick little
conversation about labels, but before we do, I think it would be a gr- I personally think
it would be a great idea for you to go to your kitchen and grab yourself something to
drink. Now, personally, if you can’t already tell,
I’m drinking some goon, some good old fashioned goon, babes. Um, I am just honestly like, I’m just, I’m look,
I’m pre partying. Okay, I’m late. As you guys know, usually what I film these
videos, I’m like going somewhere else. I’m already late to this party. I’m pre partying. Listen, don’t judge me, judge yourself. Worry about yourself. Okay. But for now, darling, I’m drinking some goon
so I’ll help you drink some too. This is, what is this? This is actually Pinot Noir by Franzia cause
you guys know I only drink the fanciest stuff. So anyway, let me know what’s in your mug
in the comment box below and let’s get into this convusauce So I wanted to talk to you guys about labels
because I feel like there’s been a common theme throughout the past couple of True Tea
videos that I’ve done. It’s all been about this sort of wrestling
with labels, you know, whether it’s wrestling with sexuality labels, whether it’s wrestling
with gender labels, whether it’s wrestling with you know, specific types of inner trans
community identities. There’s just so many different things. And I wanted to sort of have a sort of general
video about how I feel about labels because I think it’s actually a fairly complex conversation. And of course you guys know, I really want
to, you know, bounce this off of you guys and see how you guys feel about this because
you know, labels are such a complicated thing and I think that they have use and sometimes
they don’t have use. So yeah. So when it comes to myself personally, um,
I, I apply there some labels that I apply to myself that I think are just kind of true. I’ve talked previously in video specifically
about politics that when it comes to my world view, I only have like a handful of worldview
perspectives that are really solid, that are sort of like, this is how I feel. I’m probably not going to change my mind. And it’s what it is. Um, and those are the label of feminist humanist,
um, atheist. And intersectionality…ist, you know, I believe
in all of these things fairly strongly and they are labels that I apply to my worldview. And it’s not to say that these labels can’t
shift or change, but they are what make the most sense for me at least when it comes to
my worldview. Now when it comes to myself, you guys know
I’m a transgender woman and obviously there was a time in my life where I had to sort
of say to myself that the label of woman was what felt the most realistic to me, which
was felt the most, you know, true reflection of who I am. And you know, in the past couple of videos…well
actually, let’s, let’s start it with this right away. Okay. Um, let’s just, let’s just solidify this thought
when it comes to labels. Let me take another swig real quick. Now, I don’t know if people can piece this
together or not, but I’m a fairly confident person who shares perspectives that are informed
by experience. You know, um, while I do open up the conversation,
while I do allow everybody to kind of comment and share, when it comes to how I personally
feel about myself, these are things that aren’t going to be changed through a couple of, you
know, conversations on YouTube. You know, for me personally, um, I, I know
that for the past couple of weeks we’ve kind of entered into a lot of conversations that
allow a lot of CIS people specifically in the audience to question my womanhood to question
whether or not I am a woman. Right? And to be completely honest with you guys,
when it comes to that particular conversation, you guys could, you could call me a man every
single day I’m on here, but I’m not going to agree with you. You know, like I’m somebody who if you can’t
tell already, I’m very, very self reflective. I think a lot about stuff and I tend not to
apply labels to myself unless I find those labels to be truthful. So while we are having a conversation about
labels here, I want to make it really clear that the labels that I applied in myself for
the most part are pretty solidly understood and are not going to be changed. I’m not opening this up for you guys to question
my identity or to question the labels that I apply to myself. I’m simply having an open general conversation
about labels because I think that the concept of labels is very interesting now over the
past couple of weeks we would kind of dance around different conversations about sexuality
and gender. And I think when it comes to sexuality and
gender, it’s really interesting to see just how people react to the way that people label
themselves. Now, I might do a whole video about this at
some point, but you guys know that I’m part of various sex positive communities, right? I’m part of various communities where it’s
open, it’s kinky, we are , we’re tapping into our more carnal interests, right? And one of the things that’s been very interesting
about and being involved in some of those groups is that you have this sort of interesting
relationship with labels. Right? Now. Maybe one day I’ll do a whole video about
this, but um, you know, there are some parties I go to where it’s basically like there’s
long story short, no gay shit. Okay. You would do basically everything. Girls can do whatever with each other, but
there’s no gay shit, right? There’s no gay shit. And it’s always really interesting for me
to be in those environments because in a lot of sort of sex positive environments, you’ve
got like you have this weird thing where people are actually being really, really honest and
open. But if a place has a rule like that, they’re
not quite being as open as they would like to be. Right? So I tend to prefer the places that say anything
goes, be yourself, love what you love. I go to the places that are like, Hey, straight
people, basically straight people and bi women only. And then I also go to places that are like,
Hey, everyone is a free for all. Right? And obviously I tell, even though I feel we’ll
do this whole other conversation, even though I definitely feel more at home in the very
like straight spaces, um, I love the openness of the free for all be yourself sort of thing. And what’s been very, very, very, very, very
interesting to me about being involved in those spaces is that in so many ways, a lot
of these labels when it comes to sexuality do not matter at all whatsoever. And you just kind of see how people would
be if they were allowed to be themselves without fear of being mislabeled. Now in a couple of videos that I’ve had in
the past, um, even though look, well let’s start with this, I hate that every conversation
we have about sexuality centers around CIS men and whether or not someone is attracted
or not attracted to cis men. I don’t know if anyone’s really ever noticed
this, but whatever. We have a conversation about trans women period. We can be talking about transgender women
playing soccer or transgender women, women painting a picture. We always have to bring it back to whether
or not cis man wants to fuck them and always really annoying to me because it completely
ignores queer trans women. It completely ignores lesbian trans women,
trans women who date other trans people, like people who don’t want anything to do with
CIS men. All of these conversations have to center
around CIS men and whether or not the person involved is engaged with that person. And it’s very annoying to me. It’s very annoying to me because I mean, listen,
I obviously look, look, as of now all of my partners are CIS men. Okay. Some of my best friends are CIS men. I love them to bits. But it’s really interesting to me how so many
things like, like we have so many conversations where the deciding factor between whether
or not somebody is gay or straight or BI or whatever is whether or not they’re being involved
with cis man or whether or not that person is being involved with a dmab person. Right? So for example, right whenever we have a conversation
about transgender women being involved with men, there are people who rush, rush, rush,
rush to the, you know, to the comment section to say that those men are gay. Now we’ll, we’ll probably get into that a
little bit later cause that’s kind of one of the starting points for this label conversation,
right? But we go there, right? We go immediately to this person is someone
who’s designated male at birth, who is with somebody who is designated male at birth. So therefore it’s a homosexual relationship. Right? But we don’t, and this is kind of, this is
a really interesting thing that I’ve learned about labels, but we don’t have similar conversations
about, for example, men who identify as gay who have had sex with women. Right? One of the early things that I kind of recognized
about, umm, you want to go out into the BDSM community. When I got into these sex positive communities,
right? I learned about two different phrases, right? I learned about heteroflexible and homo flexible
right now coming into these communities with a very solid view of my own sexuality and
honestly kind of a rigid view of a lot of other people’s sexualities. It was very interesting to hear these two
terms, right? These heteroflexible and homo flexible, but
I guess I could understand the heteroflexible part because I kind of acknowledged and seen
and observed men who sort of live that way, but the like the homo flexible thing was really
interesting. Now, homo flexible is kind of what it means,
kind of what it sounds like. Rather, it’s men who identify as gay, who
in very sort of narrow, very random rare situations have sex with women. These are men who through through like 99.9%
of their life identified, present, described themselves as gay men, but they may have a
couple of experiences with women. They may even form relationships with women. I know somebody right now who is married very
much in love with very much sexually attracted to, a woman, right? He’s a man who’s very much sexually attracted
and engaged with a woman and he’s in love with her and all this other stuff. But he considers himself to be a gay man,
right? That’s who he, that’s who he is. That’s what he is. He has a sexual and romantic relationship
with his wife, but you know, he identifies as gay men. And here’s the thing, I just explained this
to you and you’re probably confused. You’re like, what the hell? What the fuck? Like what, how could you be somebody who identifies
as a gay man and is married to a woman and has sex? Like how does that make sense? Right. But I’ve said this in previous videos, and
I’ll say this again, I don’t believe that when it comes to gender and sexuality that
these are things that we need a consensus on, right? You don’t have to understand somebody’s gender
or sexuality for the label that they apply to themselves to be accurate, right? I don’t think that we can really even determine
those things because sexuality and gender are so entirely personal. It’s a personal feeling about how you feel
attracted to certain genders and how you feel about your own gender. It is very, very personal and we as people
outside of that situation, we don’t, we don’t have access to that. We don’t have access to that perspective,
and so who are we to even say who this person is and who this person isn’t? But back to my original point, we don’t really
say, right, that men who are like that in that situation who identify as gay but occasionally
have sex with women, we don’t, we don’t suddenly call those those men straight. Right? We don’t suddenly call those men straight,
but we, but you bring up a straight man whose relationships are predominantly with, with
CIS women who occasionally sleeps with a man. And that man is just full on gay, just full
on 100% a gay man. Right. And the, the, the, the, and, and when it comes
to adding trans women into that conversation, into the equation, rather, that annoys me
because gay men are a certain thing. Gay men are men who are, you know, specifically
and narrowly attracted to, you know, romantically and, and, and, uh, and, and physically they’re
attracted to men, right? They’re attracted to men. Right. That’s exclusively, they’re attracted to men. Right. And so, you know, we have a lot of these conversations
about these men. Cause like, I mean, I think Malik Yoba is
not a great person to talk. I didn’t, I wish I brought that home in my
video. Malik Yoba was not a really great person to
be like defending in these conversations. Right. But a lot of people were like upset with him
because he wasn’t coming out as gay. Right. And what’s frustrating for me when it comes
to that is that you guys are like, there’s people who are frustrated that Malik Yoba
and various men who date transgender women don’t just come out as gay. There’s people who are frustrated with that,
but what they don’t get is that they don’t come out as gay because that’s not a label
that applies to them. That’s not a label that applies to them. They’re not suddenly men who are exclusively
attracted to, you know, men. They’re not. That’s not, that’s not how this works. Right? That’s just not how it works. Most men who are attracted to transgender
women are first attracted to CIS women, and maybe we’ll do a whole video again about all
the different intricacies and reasons why men are attracted to trans women. But it’s so weird to listen to people argue
that these men are just gay. Men aren’t, are only attracted to men because
they’re attracted to trans women. When it’s kind of a requirement for these
men to initially be attracted to cis women. Right. And that’s just usually how it goes. Usually you’re not really going to meet a
man who is attracted exclusively to CIS men and trans women. Usually that’s not how that goes. Especially because trans women are not nearly
as common. Right? You’re going to generally find a man who’s
attracted to cis women and, and trans woman. And that’s just kinda how, that’s just gonna
ha usually how it is, right? That’s usually just kinda how, what it ends
up being. Right. And you know, honestly, um, one of the things
that I want to acknowledge is that, you know, I, I’ve mentioned this in previous videos,
but my preference for dating is not to, I don’t like to date straight men. I don’t say straight and quotations for that
reason, but I just, I don’t really like to date straight men for many reasons. And a lot of the reasons why I don’t like
to date straight men is because they’re very invest- A lot of them are very invested in
maintaining that label. And I personally find people who are very
invested in maintaining that label of heterosexuality to be very exhausting to date. I’ve been in so many really shitty, upsetting
experiences, all because of man was gen-genuinely afraid of me contradicting his own narrative
as a heterosexual man. Right. For me personally. Mmm. You know, I, it’s funny cause I thought about
this a lot in the conversation that we’ve been having recently about sexuality on this
channel because I think about the times that I referenced my own sexuality, right? Like I said, I go to a lot of sex positive
things where, you know, there’s basically no gay shit allowed unless you’re a woman. Right? And so what ends up happening, cause I usually
go and I’m just sitting there with my glass of wine, you know, socializing because I’m
a weirdo. Um, and because I’m there, a single woman
alone, I get a lot of women who approach me. I get a lot of women who approach me, a lot
of people who are there because there’s a lot of couples who are there because they’re
specifically looking for a woman to join them. Right? And I’m just sitting there being cute or whatever
with my wine or whatever. And they approach me and they flirt with me
and they talk to talk to me. And I’m always very flattered. But I almost always say, you know, usually
at the 10th hour, you know, usually I let it, I let them talk to me cause I, I’m not
really good at rejecting people to be honest with you. I’m not really great at that. Um, but usually I will say at a certain point,
Oh no, I’m so sorry I’m straight right now. What do I mean when I say that? Now I know there are people who are listening
to me say this and they’re like, Kat, listen, you’re a transgender woman. You can’t be straight. We’re not going to unpack that, but we’re
not going to unpack that. But what, I mean, what I want to really talk
about, what I’m really trying to say when I say that, especially within this context,
right? So what I’m saying to this woman who’s, who’s
hitting on me is that I’m a woman and unfortunately I’m only attracted to men. That is what I’m saying. Okay. That is exactly what I’m saying. That’s what I’m trying to communicate. Right. And so a label in that context is very useful
and very quickly and accurately communicating exactly what I feel. Right. Um, and now, like I said, I’m a trans woman
and yet, like I said earlier in this video, y’all could debate about whether or not I’m
straight. Y’all could like, y’all could, you know, there’s
another point, y’all could call me gay all day long. Like you, you could literally call me gay,
all that. You can call me gay and a man all day long. You can call me a gay man. Okay. Like a 100% big Ole gay black n****. Okay. You can call me that all day long. But, and I talk about this in other videos
where I talk about like things offending me in confidence, but like I know that I’m not
a big old gay black man and so that’s, so it doesn’t bother me that you mislabel me. Right. But you know, if that’s what makes you feel
comfortable, if you need to do that, I be my guest. Right. But I call myself a straight woman because
that’s the, that’s the most accurate way to describe myself. It would actually be not only confusing, but
inaccurate for me to say, yeah, I’m a gay man. But first of all, I’m not a man, first of
all, I’m not gay.. You know, like there are all these different
things that like they just don’t make sense. Like maybe it’s, it’s comfortable for you
to label me that way. And I think that’s what I’m trying to get
at is like a, for a lot of, for a lot of CIS het people. They’re, you know, they, they like putting
certain labels on me like man and tranny and this and this and that, faggot, all these
different things because it makes them, it makes, it helps them make sense of the world. It helps them make sense of the world. Right. But when it comes to labels, I apply to myself. I’m not gonna, I’m not going to apply those
labels. Well, they don’t make sense. Well, they don’t make sense. Like, like not to be a bitch or whatever,
but I’m, I’m obviously a woman. Like I know that people want to debate about
this and say this isn’t that, and like take that label away from me or whatever. But I’m obviously a woman. I’m very clearly a woman. I’m not, I haven’t been seen as a man really
ever in my life. If I’m being completely honest with you, I,
I don’t know what that feels like. So I said it’s another video, but like when
people call me a man, when they mislabel me, it’s hard for me to even access that point
in my brain that I guess is supposed to be offended because it’s just such an alien experience
to me. I don’t know what it’s like to be a man. I don’t know. It’s like what it’s like to be seen as a man. I don’t have any experience with that. I, so it’s hard for me to genuinely take something
shitty like that to heart. It just is. I can’t be offended by it because it’s just
not true. It’s just not an accurate label. Right. Which is why I can read through all of these
comments when people are being offended and shit because it’s just like, I know it’s not
true, so it’s not going to go to offend me. Right. It’s just, it’s not going to offend me at
all whatsoever. Right. Um, you know, and so I think when it comes
to labels, it’s like, it’s so, it’s so complicated because like I said, one of the beautiful
things about some of the spaces that I go to is that you, you, you walk into a place,
like there’s some places I go, the places that are very open, there’s some places I
go and you might not ever have a conversation about what somebody’s gender is, what somebody’s
sexuality is, what’s some, what, what is their long list of labels, but you can connect with
them in an organic way. We’re just both humans existing on the same
plane and we’re engaging with each other and maybe we’re drawn to each other because we’re
attracted to each other. Who cares about labels? Who cares about this? Who cares about that? We’re drawn to each other and we’re drawn
to each other for various reasons, for various markers, for various expressions, right? We’re drawn to each other and we don’t really
even need to get into labels. And I think that it’s really beautiful when
you have that sort of marriage. We’re not only are you connecting with each
other based on just who you are right now in this space, but also not really being viewed
as, you know, there’s some people, I mean, we’ll do a whole video about this, but like
there are, there are some, let’s just be specific. There are some CIS women that if a man came
up to them and said, I’m a bisexual man, they would say, well shit, you know, I don’t want
to be able to bi a man because of this, this, and this and this and this. That might be a man who they connect with,
they get along with, they’re attracted to who could be their soul mate because this
person labels themselves as a bisexual, bisexual man. Oh, suddenly, uh, I don’t really know about
all of that. Right? I don’t even really know about all that. I think the people really do miss so many
opportunities to connect with really interesting, cool people that are great for them because
they’re so invested in labels. And look, listen, I’m talking to somebody
who was stealth. Okay. I’m talking as somebody who was very, very,
very, very at one point in time, very invested in this idea that I would never be seen as
transgender. Right. Um, and you know, we’ll talk about that a
bit in this video, but like honestly, it’s like you, you just, at a certain point it
feels really good to let go. It’s sort of pretty, it feels really good
to let go about how much you care about those labels. And it’s also, it feels better for you to
let go of people who care about labels, which is part of the reason why I, I, I prefer men
who are bi or pan and not because they’re attracted to men, not because I think I’m
a man, not cause any of that shit. But because a lot of times those people are
the people who give the least fuck about labels. The least fuck about that and navigating around
somebody who is like super invested in how other people feel about the label, they apply
to them. It’s exhausting. It’s exhausting. It’s not worth it to me and it’s not a good
time. I don’t want to be dating you and dealing
with you while you’re trying to manage your image. Right. I want to connect with you in a real human
way and unfortunately in my life as a trans person, I’ve interacted with a lot of men
who like me, are attracted to me, are interested in me, would love to be with me, but are so
afraid of the label that would be applied to them if they were with me. In fact, let me tell you guys a quick little
story. Let me tell y’all a quick little story. Okay, I’ll, I’ll, I will actually make this
quick since I know the studio’s going on quite long. When I was in college, I think it was like
junior year or something. My junior year was the first year where I
was like really discovering that I was passing. Right. And when you’re in that position you don’t
really know what’s happening. You don’t really know how to navigate around
that shit. So I did some stuff back then that I wouldn’t
do now. It was graduation night, right. And Graduation Night really interesting because
you’ve got a lot of people who come from like the city and come from off campus and things
like that. And so it was kind of an interesting mix of
people. And I met this group of guys, right? And me and this guy were really, you know,
we’re really hitting it off. We were getting close to each other, we were
connecting with each other. It was that thing that I described before
where we’re both just drawn to each other, whatever, forget labels, forget all this bullshit. We’re both really drawn to each other. And I was going with the flow, I was taking
his lead, I was doing that sort of thing. Right. And so we, we, we were jumping around all
over town. We were getting drinks. We’re doing, this is what I was under 21. And so we were, we were being a little illegal
and getting alcohol for us and things like that, but we were just having a good old fucking
time. Right. Um, and we messed around a little bit and
back that I definitely did not know how to have the conversation with men about me being
trans. I, I also wasn’t very aware of people looking
at me and assuming that I was a CIS woman. So we just kinda went with the flow and you
know, I recognize that maybe that was a conversation that I should have had with him. Right. And so we had our night ended or whatever,
and then, you know, the next week or something, he sends me this long message about how I
should have told him that I was transmitted X. Apparently people had talk to him and things
like that. And they told me that if he was ever, if he
ever saw me again, he would fuck me up. Right. And for years, for literal years, right. I was, I felt really shitty about that. That was like a big awakening moment for me
where I was like, I need to be more honest with these men. I need to tell these men, I need to be more
straight forward. I pass. So these men don’t always know when they’re
engaging with me that I’m transgender. So I need to actually say that, right? For years. Right? So now fast forward to about a year ago, I’m
on, I’m on the, the, the Tinder swiping left and right. I swipe on this guy who looks really familiar. Turns out it’s the same guy from that night,
the graduation party, right? We connect and we start talking. We put two and two together and he tells me,
cause of course it all of my dating profiles, I’m very open about being transgender. I listed right there. I say I’m not about wasting time. I have too many men in my life to really want
to waste time on men who don’t get it. So, um, and so he tells me that way back then
when we connected, which was my junior year, by the way, he very much knew that I was transgender. He knew that I was trans, he was interested
in it. He wanted me. But at the time he was in that sort of circle
of friends who made him- They found out and brought it to him and then made him feel like
shit for being interested in a transgender woman. And so where he was back then at that time
in life was he was going to do whatever he had to do to defend his image, his heterosexuality. And so he threatened my life. He threatened to fuck me up if he’s ever saw
me again. Not because that’s what he actually felt like
not because that’s actually what was, what his feelings were, but because that’s what
he could do to protect the label that was applied to him as a heterosexual man. And you know, that was one of those, it was
such a weird experience for me because it was like I literally, I really did internalize
that really bad back then cause I was like, cause I again, I was still navigating through
shit. I didn’t understand that I was passing, I
didn’t understand that. Talking about my transness with men men was
something that was important, right? And so to be in this position where this man
at very much not only knew that I was trans, but like that I was trans and would’ve pursued
me if it hadn’t been for the label of gay or BI or whatever that would be misapplied
to him. And it manifested in him threatening me, you
know? And it really scared me. It’s funny because back back then I was, I
was making YouTube videos and I talked about this when it happened, right. It was a really scary time for me. But, but, but in truth, he knew that I was
trans. He could tell that I was trans. He liked that I was trans. He was pursuing me because I was trans. But because of labels and because of the pressure
for him to, you know, be a certain way and to, you know, like I talked about, you know,
we talk about sexuality, we have to reach some sort of weird consensus, which doesn’t
make sense, right? Because he was so invested in the consensus
of what his sexuality was. He mistreated me. Right. He threatened me. And let me tell you, it’s not fun to be in that
position. It’s not fun to be in that position. It’s really not fun to be in that position. Right. So, you know, labels have, to me a, they’re
kind of a double edged sword. Um, I’m not really a person who believes that
we should just be free of labels. Like, Oh my gosh, well those were for sandwiches
or whatever. I think labels have a meaning and have a use
and have a purpose. But I also believe that they can be very limiting. And I think that when we talk about, especially
especially sexuality, you know, like I, I kind of talked about this in my Malik
Yoba video, but like one of the things that I have with my partner and I is that we’re
partners. Pansexual, we’ve been together for two years. We’ve been looking for a sexy handsome, some
guy to join us. Right? And most of the men that I and my partner,
my partner is like peak attractive, you know, like he is like ideally attractive by normal
standards. You know, he’s a tall, thin, well-built, white
dude with a big penis, you know, like he is like ideal. And I didn’t pick him for that and definitely
take him for that. But… I mean maybe there’s some things, but um,
you know, he’s like a hot dude, right? And I’m always, whenever I meet new guys,
I’m always like, you know, Hey, (suspicious mumbles)… I always mention it right, I give them the
opportunity. I say it’s a safe space. If you want to suck a dick, you can. And they’re not interested. They’re not interested, you know? And so it’s this weird thing to have all these conversations
with people who are labeling these men gay labeling, these men bisexual. And here I am a full ass trans woman saying,
listen, I will love to see you do something with my partner’s penis. And I’m like encouraging it, affirming it,
saying, Hey, it will be fun. It’s okay. It’s a safe space to do this. And they’re not interested. They’re not interested because they’re not
attracted to men, they’re not attracted to men. And why this is so frustrating? I mean being in that position, I have not
always been in this position. I used to not want to date men who are bisexual. That’s another video. But being the position, be the position that
I’m in now and have, and listening to people being really upset about how these men don’t
want to be gay or bisexual. It’s very, very annoying to me because it’s
like, listen, I’ve tried, okay, I tried to to to make these men bisexual, but they’re
not interested in, in men, they’re interested in trans women and they’re interested in CIS
women and you. And for the most part that is an accurate
description of the average man who dates some pursues transgender women. That is just what, and I know that that’s
not something people want to believe or buy into, but that’s that, you know, so you know
the label thing, it’s like, especially as a trans person, you’re always dealing with
it, right? So, which is why I tend to prefer very free
spirited. I don’t give a fuck. I just, I don’t care what you call me, kind
of people because I don’t, there’s not enough time in the day for me to give a fuck about
maintaining your label. Okay. No, but I do think the labels are useful. Labels do quickly and accurately, you know,
communicate. That’s why they’re their labels quickly and
accurately communicate something. Something very complicated, very simply. Right. That’s why, that’s why they exist, you know? That’s why, um, I don’t know what there’s,
I don’t think there’s anything here with a label on it, but like we, that’s where you
put labels on things, so you just know what it is, you know? That’s exactly what it is. And so does that mean there’s a label on something? Does that always describe every sort of usage,
every sort of context that it can be in? No, it’s a quick, shallow explanation. And I think when it comes to sexuality, sometimes
you won’t understand it, but that’s not what it’s about. You know, like I said, you’ve got these men
who identify as gay who mostly date men who do occasionally sleep with women and you might
not understand their het- their homosexuality because they sleep with women. You might not understand that, right? You might not get that, but do you have to? Labels or personal? Do you have to get somebody else’s label? I understand why it’s very attractive to,
for people to question people’s labels. So to challenge those labels, have conversations
about those labels. But to be honest with you guys, and maybe
this is just me… Maybe this is just where it’s just where I’m
at in life right now, I’m too busy with my own shit to really care about whether or not
I have a consensus what’s, I’ve reached a consensus rather about somebody’s label it
just, it’s not worth my time. So anyway, I would love to hear what you guys
have to say about this. Um, how do you feel about labels? Are labels important to you? How do you feel about living in a society
that doesn’t have labels? How would you feel about that? Because I will say that in the spaces that
I’ve been where like labels don’t really matter as much. It’s so beautiful to me. It’s really, really beautiful. Right? But I also know that for me there are certain
labels that are important to me or certain labels that are like, I’m going to claim it
because they make sense and they explain something very simply. That’s very complicated about me. You know? They simply explain something that’s very
complicated about me. Right? So I like labels to some degree, but I think
that it can be very narrow and limiting. And I think that’s especially true when it
comes to sexuality. There are so many things about sexuality that
we do not understand. We cannot process, we do not get, and I don’t
think we have to get it. I don’t think we have to get it. I think that we get so wrapped up in whether
or not we understand a thing that we don’t, we don’t just live and be ourselves. Who cares what the label is, you know? Anyway, we’re getting a little too woo here,
but I would love to hear how you feel about labels, so please give me your True Tea in
the comment box below. If you watch this entire video, which if you
did, you are a trooper. Okay. Let me just tell you, put this emoticon on
the emoji rather in the comment box below. I would love to see it. Thank you guys so much for commenting the
emoticon every single week. It does definitely help out my videos, so
yeah. Anyway, if you do like the idea, if you’re
really into the idea of of helping my channel, helping my videos, I would highly suggest
if you haven’t watched these two videos that are on the screen right now to click on one
of these videos, continuing to watch my content one after the other, does definitely help. So, yeah, if you’re into that sort of thing,
there are various other true teas that you can sip right on your screen and also in the
corner if you also, if you just like helping me, you know, if you want to help me directly
more expediently, you can send me a tip. There are various ways that you can do that
there. So anyway, I’m going to drink the rest of
this wine and go out on the town and you know, do it, you know? Anyway, I’m a little tipsy. Let me go. All right, I’ll talk to you guys later. Bye.

100 Replies to “Why Do We Have So Many Labels? | Kat Blaque”

  1. I'm 30 years old and I still dont know what I am 100%, but I do know what I am not and that's cis. I dunno if I'm binary or nonbinary trans, but ive decided that the name isn't as important as pursuing what I need to make me happy and comfortable in my own skin. If I jump back and forth in the meantime than thats just another part of the journey. Also apparently my phone does not have a sandwich emoji so here's some tea instead. 🍵

  2. When you explained why you weren't interested in heterosexual men, it really resonated with me. As a dfab nonbinary person who looks like a woman, I try to avoid heterosexual men not only because of how they label themselves, but how they label me. I know that these men are largely looking for a girlfriend, a wife, and a woman to date and be with. But I can't be that and I'm not that. Nor do I want them to see me as anything other than nonbinary or refer to me under those other labels. I feel like so many men fear having their heterosexual label be questioned, that they'd rather try to force me to be the 'women' that their heterosexuality is attracted to.

  3. I just was able to finish watching this today and I had an interesting thought. We label everything through languages such as things like fruit. Now there are alot of types of fruit and they all have different singular names while still being classified as fruit. I don't hear people complaining that there are too many types of fruit, or too many different names of fruit, or saying that it is too difficult to learn the names of fruit. Not to mention things like apples. Apples are a fruit and apples have alot of different varieties and they all have different names but no one questions that they are all apples. I could continue with the analogy but I think we get the point.
    💜 Great video as always!

  4. So that normal people know who to hate, hence why you should only label that which you want to discourage. If you want to advocate feminism & dismantle patriarchy, then strike 'feminist' from your vocabulary & replace it with 'patriarchist'. Both conformity & deviance are looked down on, but not calling conformity by its name renders it invisible. 'Feminist' should be the new default, the new normal, while patriarchist is the new deviant.
    …Why do I even bother? No one is going to read & understand this comment.

  5. Imma come back when I have more time to watch this but i think the TL;DR is people like putting things in boxes regardless if those things like the boxes.

  6. 🥪 WTF OS do you use because these emoticon styles are all over formats. Also I’m hungry now, thanks.

    I’m very torn – I agree that it helps us understand one another quickly, but I also see where they get in the way. I’ve had people be very interested in my body (in a non-aggressive way) but be unsure about interacting with me as a non-binary person. I also know what it’s like to have a bit of a crisis when you find out a label doesn’t totally work for you or doesn’t at all, and now you have to tell everyone you’re something different. I think it’s best to fall back to a place of “people use labels as an aide, not a rule,” and there’s never harm in making sure you have a shared understanding of a label when it pertains to a conversation.

  7. I've experienced this with straight people as a bi woman in a queer relationship. My partner and I are both very openly bi, and we dont have defined limits on the exclusivity of our relationship but we are very much happily committed to each other. We dont use the labels of boyfriend/girlfriend, open relationship, polyamory, or whatever, but our expectations are super clear and we are both very comfortable with the nature of our relationship.

    My straight friend CANNOT wrap her head around it. If I havent labelled it poly or open she doesnt believe me, and she is constantly questioning us about 'when we're going to decide whether to be open or not'. My partner and I are completely unconcerned, the concern fully comes from cishet people who NEED to have a well defined worldview.

  8. A while ago I heard/read something that said all sexuality is about how everyone has to be attracted to men; lesbians haven't found the right man yet and men who even look at another man are gay AF. (Was that one of your old videos actually? Maybe.) It made me laugh but there's also, imo, a lot of truth to it.

    On the more general topic of labels, I have found a lot of community and a huge sense of personal identity in them myself even though I feel conscious of other people's opinions on the labels that feel right to me.
    That said, I view the ever-increasing number of labels as a stepping stone towards no longer using them at all. I think we're heading towards labels being so specific that they are entirely individual and no two people will identify the same. I think at that point we will all realise what does it matter? Which imo is a good thing.

    I think labels are useful at the moment because we are in a society that uses them, demonises some, etc. We need them to find other people who "get" who we are, or at least don't care about that aspect of us. But I would much prefer a society were who I love, who I sleep with, how I experience gender and how I perform gender, among other things, are entirely irrelevant.

    p.s. I'd leave the emoji but I'm on desktop & lazy! lol!

  9. As a trans guy who's gone through a whirlwind of sexual crises I can say for sure it's really not as simple as gay and straight. There are many men in the hookup community who identify as straight but love dicks. There are many homosexual men and women who have heterosexual relationships and vice versa. Sexuality is more of a preference than anything, for me. I can see how that might be controversial at face value but some times I prefer men and other times I prefer women, and I see no reason to try to change that.🥪

  10. As a trans guy I don't like it when men that label themselves as straight show interest in me. I don't have time for bs and the moment they realize I am a man and or they are attracted to men that puts my safety at risk. It seems like every Tchaser, no matter their gender or the gender they are attracted to, has some sort of fragile heterosexually issue.

  11. I feel like labels are more about community and a certain mental process. Like the actual romantic and sexual implications of being gay don't matter nearly as much to me as the introspection required to come to terms with my sexuality, or the connection to other people with similar experiences. When I read someone as a straight white cishet man, that primes me to expect some pretty shitty opinions, because the vast majority of my experiences with those people is that they are ignorant to the fact that their experience is entirely subjective.

  12. Let me tell you all the ways my life as a woman have been related back to hetero men and how attractive I might be to one. HO HO HO HOO. (I'm not going to list them. But let's just say too many.)

    Got sick of people telling me what my fucking truth is. Labels can be useful short hand to communicate an idea, but what they are and how they apply to me is up to me, the individual. And I tend to give that courtesy to others.

  13. 🥪 I think there's a lot of truth to what you're saying about people being so invested in labels that they do shitty things to maintain them. I think society-wide, at least here in the US, there's a very strong societal impulse to project and protect an "image" of yourself, regardless of what your actual feelings are. It's why we're obsessed with stories of people (usually white men) leading "double lives" like Breaking Bad, Mad Men or Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. People often ignore the fact that IN these stories, the double life is depicted as a BAD thing because it's unsustainable.

  14. In terms of my sexuality, I definitely need a label. I'm a lesbian and I struggled so long to accept that I'm not attracted to men and that that's okay. To say I'm a lesbian and knowing that label communicates I'm exclusively attracted to women feels very safe and comforting. I don't want any ambiguity about it.
    On the other hand, when it comes to my gender, it gets more complicated. I identify as nonbinary as that's the best thing I've found, and obviously I just said I'm a lesbian so there's people who will try to tell me I "Must" identify solely with being a woman, but I just don't. Maybe that's because womanhood in our society is so associated with men, maybe it's because I'm very uncomfortable with femininity, maybe it's any number of stupid reasons that shouldn't matter to other people. But there is a long history of this in the lesbian community, of people who are not comfortable saying they're woman, who don't identify as men, but the culture and identity surrounding lesbian feels right.

  15. Love this! I feel in the gay community labels can be so limiting. Coupled with internet hookup culture gay men become so focused on identity and labels (twink, cut/uncut, fat, otter, hairy etc) that it almost feels dehumanizing that you are looking for a body/label and not a human being. Also I can’t help but feel on a greater level when you take on an identity/label then you create a new market for capitalism to profit off you. Thanks Kat 🙂

  16. Unrelated to the video (cause I prefer to sit and take in what you're saying and just look at what everyone is saying) but the blue eyeshadow with that lipstick is amazing and I need to steal that for myself 🥪

  17. I think labels are just one of those things where we can’t label one another because it will just never be valid. We can not understand someone else’s labels but that doesn’t mean that there labels are invalid. People have tried to force the words gay, trans, bisexual, homoflexible on me for most of my young life. There have been times where I even take the certain labels because maybe I relate to it a little bit. But it never lasts. For me, I just like being myself, and I feel confident enough with myself where I don’t care about labels as much anymore. I’m not saying that people who label themselves are not confident. I’m saying that for me, I just don’t feel the need to label myself. But I think that labels are really good for a lot of people. It makes things easier for them and it makes them feel confident with themselves and I love that.

  18. I think if you have a healthy balance with how important labels are can be a good thing, but it can also be bad on both extremes. Being less invested in certain labels and being honest and happy with myself is what makes at least my life a little easier. Men making other men feel bad about their sexuality and vice versa and pressuring them to threaten others or make bad decisions is not good at all. At the same time idk if hopping on the whole gender abolitionist Train and dropping labels entirely is the best idea either. I know that’s another whole nuanced conversation for another day, and trans folks perspectives on the whole gender abolition thing is absolutely crucial, so I can’t really say weather or not I think it could be a good thing to strive for without seeking out those perspectives. Just wanted to bring it up cuz labels play a part in that conversation as well.

  19. sandwich

    I dislike labels but get that they make sense for short hand like how you talk about here. I think it can be very easy to make assumptions based on labels and also I think some people fight for and hold onto their labels so hard they can lose sight of whatever else makes them a complete person. I don't like people looking at me and assuming they have me all figured out based on one or two things, I'd rather they talk to me and get to know the nuances of who I am, usually.

    Tangentially from all this, there's a whole lotta Bi-phobia from women, cis and not. I've heard it a few times from people that they wouldn't date someone Bi because of some ridiculous reason. Usually it's assumed they're more likely to cheat or leave you for the opposite gender. Bi women seem to get asked to 'prove it' or are told they're just looking for attention a lot. It's pretty annoying and all the more reason I'd rather avoid the label and just be like 'If I like a person I like them, who cares what that "means."'

  20. I’m a skeleton 🥪 .

    But being asexual has it real easy for me. God, when I was trying to date though, as a trans guy who doesn’t pass? Big fucking yikes. Labels help cause I had the misfortune of dating an abuser who just saw me as a woman and kept dating me, a trans guy, a secret and he kept telling everyone I was his girlfriend like bro, wtf.

    I’m glad I found a partner that is also asexual and I helped hatched from their trans egg. We are poly but honestly, I’m happy to not be trying to do the complicated dance called dating.

  21. I’m obsessed with watching Kat wade more and more into the wine field 🍷
    Pinot noirs are delicious beginner red wines. They go great with salmon, hearty pastas and roast chicken. If you enjoy Pinot noirs, you might also like merlot or sherry (if you want the get drunk quicker 👀)

  22. I completely agree. So, when I say I'm gay, I mean I'm honestly not attracted to women. That includes trans women! With one particular exception, but lord, do not ask, I don't get it either, she's just that hot I guess. Anyway, the problem I run into is that I too am trapped attracted to these cis men, and honestly, they're fucking scary! "Making them" question their sexuality is enough to get some people killed, be they trans women or, in my case, trans men. Like, a straight man doesn't want his straightness challenged, but for sure some beautiful gay guys gave bragged to me, a stealth trans man, about being "gold star" or, creepier, a "Platinum star" gay. Omfg y'all, you can NOT go around basing the merit of your sexuality on your mother's hoo-hah, we gotta fucking draw a line. Sorry if I'm rambling, I don't even know where I was going with this, just that cis men can be challenging and/or frightening when they don't know you well enough to respect you as a human being yet. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ OH! AND 🥪

  23. i will say that as a (cis) lesbian, my one reservation about labels like "homoflexible" come from the fact that many men (and a good amount of heterosexual women, too!) tend to think that lesbians just "haven't found the right man" or "are just lying to themselves" or (men specifically) think that they can "convert" lesbians and make them attracted to men through having sex with them which is incredibly dangerous and unfortunately this kind of "corrective rape" isn't an uncommon experience for lesbians to have. so when i see people who, say, identify as a lesbian even though they sleep with men relatively regularly but "that's just the label that feels most comfortable to me!" it makes me legitimately scared that people are going to see that and continue thinking that lesbians aren't really just attracted to women and all it takes is the right man etc etc. that line of thinking becoming more common than it already is because people are identifying as a lesbian but aren't solely attracted to women makes those dangerous predators and homophobes and just assholes feel more confident in their opinion that lesbians aren't real and they can change them. 🥪

  24. I watch these long videos late at night when my ISP's rates are cheaper. So tired. I could use a sandwich. 🥪

    I suppose my take on labels is that they provide a good baseline for generally describing someone or something, but they're rarely exact descriptors. Reality is so very messy and there tends to be a lot of exceptions and footnotes and examples that defy standard labels, and we just have to get used to that. And people and things also change over time, so even if a label once fit, it might not always fit and we have to accept that that happens too.

    Finally, I'd like to say that language is a very useful tool as long as we remember we're the ones in charge. We do ourselves few favours if we let language, labels, and words rule us instead.

  25. Kat, I was an otherkin autistic changeling who was wronged in a fencing tournament. I gave up my sword to be a triple goddess pagan motif so Tezuka could meet Walt in Epcot. But the Elves got screwed over and I was heartbroken. Autistics like me love plus sized-cuddle bear ladies who are soft and soothing like Big Jazz. But I dunno if anybody wanted me.

  26. I agree label validation by committee is ridiculous, but there is the camp of "Words mean something." as well. I think qualifying a label as personal choice when you are a non-typical example should be enough.

  27. This video was really great! I myself identify as a homoflexible gay man. Identifying as bi isn't useful at all for me, since I'm like 95% attracted to men. People that are a little hung up on labels have given me crap for that before but 🤷‍♂️ it's what suits me


  28. Hi Kat, I don't know if you will see this but I just wanted to say thank you for making these videos, and this one in particular.

    As someone who has had a really challenging relationship with sex (abuse etc) and then recently realising I am asexual, I find it really hard learning about LGBTQ+ issues as it of course means often coming into contact with sex as a topic.

    I don't know if you realise this, but you are really good at discussing things like sex positivity and sexuality in a way that isn't alarming or intimidating for people who struggle with it. It can feel challenging but I always feel a certain safety in engaging with your content, as it's welcoming and you seem to be really aware of how best to choose words to make what you're discussing easy to understand even if it might be uncomfortable on the surface.

    I hope this doesn't come across as rude, and yeah I had just wanted to say thanks and it's really appreciated.

  29. 14:43 he said trans attracted, not man attracted. Believe it or not in the black community black women won't talk or date any man that's been with a trans woman or man.

  30. My mug is filled with cold porridge, made with old, fizzy grape water from the pound shop. Only the classiest, most nutritional gourmet for me, of course.

  31. 26:16 Do you feel that a person should be upfront about who they are, and allow that other person to make a decision? I think that's where the drama starts. Especially if they person becomes attracted.

  32. You ever think those who continue to claim straight while being involved with a trans person, is due to the fact they only see you as a woman?

  33. The purity discourse is so prevalent. People think of being straight as a pure status that can only be contaminated with gayness. Whereas, on the other hand, gayness can't be lost through admixture of straightness. So silly.

  34. Words have definitions for a reason and I don't really think these biases about labels are because labels exist; rather people should reevaluate they way people think about certain labels.

  35. 🥪 I love watching True Tea every week because your observations are so amazing, so I'm commenting for the first time to tell you that I love this show and to help boost engagement 💖💗💖

  36. 🥪 I have no idea how to use emojis on PC so I copy it from others 😀

    I agree with your stance on labels. Labels should only describe me, and not guide me.

  37. Homophobia is a helluva drug.
    It always blows my mind that CisHet men are the ones who are more likely to disregard or devalue other's labels.
    If I had a dollar for every time some CisHet guy said "Why do you have to have LABELS, aren't we all HUMAN, can't we all just be labeled HUMAN?" I would be a rich little enby. Then they turn around and defend their heterosexuality like the world depends on it. Pick a fuckin' lane buddy. 🥪

  38. I identify as a heterosexual trans woman and in my egg days I had a very interesting and weird experience with the label "gay" because on some deep level I felt like it didn't apply to me (coz I'm not a man, duh) but also because I felt like it [the label] defined me.
    I wouldn't come out to anyone saying "I am gay", instead I said stuff like "I fancy men" and that was very important to me in essence because I felt like exempted me from being seen as a man (I know, sounds like internalized homophobia) and because the people around me accepted me for who I was and never once questioned me about labels it actually took a rather long time to crack my shell and truly own a label
    now I've said to a tonne of people that I'm trans and I love saying I'm straight, even if I find my sexuality is more complex than that, I still feel much more comfortable putting those labels on myself all by myself.
    so I really hate these "conversations" where people would tell given individuals what their sexuality is because of this and this and that, because like I've been there, I think most trans people have been there, and it's confusing and frustrating and annoying to be on the receiving end of all that clamour.

  39. It would definitely be freeing to abolish labels because I feel it would get rid of a lot of unnecessary issues we deal with (queerphobia, transphobia). And it would be nice if we could freely claim an accurate label if that's something you wanna do, instead of it being forced upon you. Labels are not only convenient but they help us identify other people and ourselves in a timely fashion without giving some stranger our back story. But at the same time society has this very strong obsession with labels, like everything is black and white, one thing or the other, when that's not true. We shouldn't have to fit in this language (english), the language should fit us. idk 🤷🏾🍔 (I don't think I have the sanwich emoji so here's a burger??) Close enough, if you don't force a label on it, see what I did there. 🙃

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